It has been a longgg year, but the end is finally near. Finals are a plenty, and stress levels are high, but I will persevere through. And this year I do not feel a sense of impending doom (praise Jesus!), but rather, feel a sense of anxiety, as I am leaving my home in Athens to travel to Texas for the entire. summer.
Please bear with me through this post as it is random, at times, sappy, and definitely scatter-brained, but definitely thoughtful and always, original Jesus-filled ranting.
God has been so good to me this last year.
There is so much to look back and be thankful for, but also,
so much to look forward to and have faith in.
Friends.
God has blessed me with some of the most amazing friends that I could have ever imagined this past year.
I have met more people this year that have the JOY of Jesus than I have ever met before in my entire life.
And God has given me such opportunity to invest my time in other's lives like I never have been able to before.
Praise Jesus for community!
I don't mean to be cliche but
God is so stinkin good.
And He continues to be.
Quick shout out to my roomsss, future roomssss, New York peeps, Well peepss, Wesley friendss, and finally, family.
There are so many more that I can not even begin to thank for their love.
You all have taught me what it is to love your neighbor as yourself.
This is something one cannot merely learn how to do.
It only comes from an overflow of the love of Jesus, and THAT my friends,
you. all. have.
So do not EVER doubt yourselves like I have.
Do not doubt your ability to changes others lives or your ability to reflect the love of Jesus.
You are already doing it.
Grace.
I have realized something very important about this topic this year.
And it's this.
I can not do ANYTHING to earn grace.
And yet I try. and try. and try. and tryyyyyy to be good enough.
Tryyyyy to earn His love.
And I can't.
His grace is free.
Conditional.
But free.
And those conditions of grace (aka forgiveness, living a life of holiness),
are grace anyways.
So really, grace begets grace which begets another grace which finally begets my ability to breathe one. more. breath.
To live one. more. second.
Because without that grace, I am toast.
Buttered.
Jammed.
Peanut-buttered.
I am fried crispy.
But God's grace really is enough.
So live in faith, not gratitude.
Look to the future, not the past.
God will continue to provide.
Just you wait and see.
Healing.
There are things in my life that I was ashamed about.
Felt guilty about.
Scars that hurt when you touched them.
Sometimes, they still do.
But there is something that you have to realize before I finish the rest of this story.
I don't owe God anything.
Sure, He gave His one and only son for me.
Sure, He gives me grace continuously, daily.
Sure, He made me and takes care of me.
But all of these things are gifts.
Do you honestly think I could earn even one of them?
And since they are gifts, that demolishes, relinquishes, EXTERMINATES the debtor's ethic:
that is you do something nice for me, I'll do something nice for you.
Sorry.
But when you give someone a gift,
you are saying "Here you go. This is free. You don't need to do anything to have it."
And we can't do anything anyways!
Praise Jesus that we don't owe God anything, because His one gift to us, salvation,
defeats any debt that we would ever have to pay.
Because He knew we would never be able to pay it anyways!
So.
Now that we have that established.
Back to Healing.
I had scars. Shame that I carried around in a napsack. Pain that lingered every day.
And this year, I FINALLY threw that napsack away.
Chucked it to the ground.
Gave everything I had left to Jesus.
And let me tell you,
that kind of healing is the best kind.
When you know you've been healed and you have no idea why you've been carrying around that mess of extra baggage,
so you chuck it out the window like your life depends on it.
It probably does.
Temptation still comes.
Ohhhh Satan is a sly one, I will tell you that.
But the victory is already won.
And the sweetness of that defeats any temporary sting.
I Do's.
It has come to my attention of late that there are a lot of people getting married.
I just went to a wedding this weekend.
But I have also come to this conclusion.
Although it will be quite sweet to one day stand at the altar before God and men and say "I Do",
for now,
I think I will say "I Don't".
Because I'm still letting God work out the chinks in my own chain.
I don't need it getting tangled in somebody else's just yet!
Jesus.
There is no good in me.I was born a sinner.
I will die a sinner.
But there is one thing for sure.
Somewhere in the midst of all that sin, I hope to do some good.
But the funny thing is,
The little good that I manage to do in my lifetime isn't even mine to do anyways.
It doesn't even belong to me.
I am not the owner of that good.
So why do I worry so about doing it?
Why do I feel like I have something to prove?
I am a sinner.
Always have been.
Always will be.
The only good I have in me I do not owe to myself.
I owe it to Jesus.
Forever His,
Rachel
