I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP.

Yes. I said it. As I listen to the sound of the apartment above me flirting with death (because what else do you call underage kids who get wasted every night and use the F word every other word and pick fights and call names and don't give a BEEP?), I can only think that this phrase, that "I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP" is the only way to describe my life right now.

The first thing that comes to my mind is relationships.

Dating.

Marriage.

Personality similarities.

Personality differences.

And I can only wonder.....

what if I was different.

What if I was a little less funny sometimes and I little more serious.

What if I was actually the perfect Christian instead of a struggling one.

What if I actually knew the right thing to say every time instead of fumbling over my words.

What if I CONFORMED to a certain stereotypical "perfect. Christian. girl."

Then would I be good enough?

SCREW the stereotype.

And SCREW conforming.

Because I won't!

I hate it that people think that Christians don't conform.

BECAUSE. WE. DO.

We freaking conform every. single. day.

We don't necessarily conform to the world.

We decide that we'd rather "die to ourselves", "pick up our crosses", and "follow Him".

But DO. WE. REALLY.

MY guess, is that we actually just CONFORM to Christianity.

To the religion.

To the practices.

To the stereotype.

YES. There is REAL. TRUE. heart change when we become made new in Christ.

But our sinful ways tell us that now. We. Must. Conform.

Why can't we just BE?

Be the way that God has made us?

We are perfect because of Him.

Not because of our religion.

Not because of our practices.

Not because of the stereotype.

But because He died for us.

We are IMPERFECT because of our sin.

Because of our shortcomings.

Because of our nature.

Because of the fall.

But we don't have to conform to pretend that we're perfect.

Because we're not.

And I won't pretend like I am anymore.

I hate it that I feel like I have to for someone to love me.

I hate that the Christian culture tells us that if we do all of these certain wonderful Christian things that we will find the perfect Christian mate and have the perfect Christian happily ever after ending.

Sorry to break it to you.

But in the words of the oh so wise Miley Cyrus......

nobody's perfect.

So I'm going to stop pretending that I am.

And secondly,

WHY do we as Christians INSIST in buying into this PROSPERITY gospel.

That we can do it bigger.

and better.

and BIGGER.

and BETTER.

Didn't Christ tell us to drop EVERYTHING and follow Him?

So wouldn't you say we are actually preaching and living out the exact Opposite of what Christ taught?

That we can both have it all and be a Christian.

Isn't that like an oxymoron or something?

Either Christ had it wrong and we have it right.

Or Christ had it right and we are just screwing the F up with our life.

Seriously.

I'm sorry if this offends someone but it just makes me so stinkin mad.

We AS THE CHURCH need to get it together.

We need to do a TAD less judging and a TAD more loving.

A TAD less getting and a TAD more giving.

A TAD LESS CONFORMING AND A TAD MORE BECOMING. LIKE. CHRIST.

I don't know about you.

But my name's Rachel,

and I'm a non-conformist.

Oh.

And I don't give a BEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Forever His,

Rachel

the POWER of prayer.

I have always underestimated the power of prayer. Partly, because I have felt let down numerous times by God in my life. Partly, because I misunderstood the importance of prayer. And partly, because I thought to be a good Calvinist meant I just left everything in the hands of God; prayer said, no prayer said = no change in outcome. No harm no foul, right??

False.

False.

False.

False.

LIESSSSS.

Oh how DECEIVED I have been.

No wonder my prayer life has suffered so much over the years.

I didn't see the IMPORTANCE to it!

This revelation that could have come only from God and not of myself

happened, SURPRISINGLY, at my home church this morning.

I say surprisingly because I haven't heard an amazing sermon there in a while.

Partly, because I'm only there once every two months or so.

But still,

sorry Mom and Dad.

I left feeling convicted.

And honestly, CHANGED.

That this belief system that I'd been holding on so tightly too,

That my prayers really don't matter,

That "what I have to say God already knows so what's the point" mentality,

These things were liessss.

This is what prayer is....

Prayer is three things:

1. Builds relationship with God.

2. Begets peace.

3. Brings results.

THIS is what I have been missing out on.

THIS is why I get anxious so quickly and am having a hard time trusting.

And although I knew somewhat of the first two points,

the third is what I was reallyyyy struggling with.

Do my prayers bring results?

REALLY???

mmm hmmm.

I'm not so sure.

But they DO.

Yes, it is true that God knows all things and there is NOTHING that will change His eternal plan.

But it's ALSO true that prayer brings results.

So how do the two coincide?

It is exactly because of this particular reason...

If God was good enough and sovereign enough and all-knowing enough to already know the outcome of a situation,

don't you think that He is all-of-those-things enough to know that you will PRAY as well?

It is called SECONDARY CIRCUMSTANCES (I think....).

That God may have one thing that He could definitely do (such as allow your friend to die from cancer) but He knew before time that you would pray that this other certain thing would happen (such as praying that your friend lives) happen, so therefore, He already KNEW that He was going to let your friend live, but it was the prayer that helped bring about the result.

Ahhhh.

God is so good.

I will end telling you this story our pastor told us today....

George Whitefield and John Wesley were speaking at a conference one weekend. They ended up staying at the same hotel together that night, and even shared a room. They both were getting ready for bed. John Wesley, believing in the utmost sovereignty of God, got ready for bed and then, began to pray. He thanked God for the destinies of the people that were at the conference and prayed that God would continue to be sovereign and for His will to be done, and then got in bed. John Wesley, believing in the importance of human participation in God's plan, and also in the importance of prayer, saw that George had prayed such a short prayer and said, "Oh George, is this where your Calvinism has brought you to?" And then, proceeded to get down on his knees and begin praying. In the middle of the night Whitefield woke up to find Wesley, still on his knees next to the bed......asleep. He then proceeded to say, "Oh John, is this where your Arminianism has brought you to?"

This moral of this story is not to bring favor to one view of prayer or the other,

it is simply this....

That prayer is important.

Whether you "let your words be few" before God, or come before God with "prayer and supplication, making ALL your requests known to God",

prayer. is. important.

.........And my world has been rocked.

Forever His,

Rachel

Speak to me, in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning.

Oh the desires of a sinful nature. The cravings of an unrighteous flesh. The thoughts of a tainted mind. Isn't that what the American work ethic tells us? Do it bigger. Do it better. Push harder. Be the BEST.

Why do I find myself acting like a dog?

Wanting to return to its vomit.

Wanting to dwell on what has been expelled.

Forgiven.

Forgotten.

Oh. But I have not forgotten.

I have not forgotten those feelings of immediate gratification.

The joy through the pain.

The victories through the struggles.

Isn't that what life is about?

Just get by?

Live with a goal in mind.

Set your eye on the prize.

Win, win, win.......

no. matter. what.

But as one such C.S. Lewis said...

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,

I can only conclude that I was not made for here."

These cravings are too strong.

These desires are too great.

NOTHING in this world can satisfy.

Maybe for a time.

And believe me, I loved that time.

Feeling fulfilled in a worldy sense.

Feeling good enough.

Having "purpose".

But this desire is so much greater.

This want and need is so much stronger.

And so, I can only conclude......

I was not made for here.

Forever His,

Rachel