I have been so overwhelmed the last few months.
For the first time in my life, I get it.
I get what it means to be in the presence of the living God.
I understand what He means when He says that in His presence, there is fullness of joy.....
I've experienced it!
I have seen His face, and He is lovely.
I have heard His voice, and it is pure.
And as He has revealed Himself to me in immense ways the past few months,
I am overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed with freedom, passion, knowledge, and JOY.
Overwhelmed with this new desire, this new CRAVING for the Word.
And for the first time in my life an utter ravishing for PRAYER.
I hated prayer.
HATED it.
Why would I want to come before God anyway?
I had nothing to say.
Nothing to offer.
Nothing to ask for.
But mainly, I didn't trust Him with my prayers.
And how can you really be fervent in prayer when you don't even really believe what you are SAYING!
I felt abandoned.
Unloved.
And just hurt.
And it is still a healing process.
I still hold onto this lie that somehow the Lord abandoned me when I needed Him most.
WHY do I believe it?
I know it's not true.
So why do I cling to it?
He says in John 14 that He will "NEVER abandon us as orphans".
He's never abandoned me!
And at the beginning of John 14 He tells me to TRUST Him.
John 14 was basically written for me.
haha
But I can't just believe it with my head.
I want to believe it with my HEART.
I want it to SATURATE to the very core of my being.
I want my relationship with Jesus to not be based on some "feeling".
I want my relationship to be grounded in TRUTH.
And in that truth, that there would be all the fruits that come with it.
Like love, joy, peace, patience, etc.
I WANT IT ALL!
And I know that it is a process and that I am working out my salvation DAILY,
but I just want to fall at the feet of my King and anoint His feet with my tears every. single. day.
I want to be so dependent on Him,
that all I hear is His voice and NOTHING else.
I am so filled with joy, because I know that He who has started this good work in me is going to finish it until completion!
I need to stop whining about my unbelief and just TRUST Him.
BELIEVE Him.
KNOW His voice and FOLLOW.
It's so simple.
The story of the gospel is SO SIMPLE.
Trust, Believe, Obey, Follow.
LOVE.
Gosh.
Jesus, fill me with an immeasurable amount of faith in You.
That the things You say You can and WILL do through me,
you will DO them!
That You ALWAYS show up.
Not just sometimes,
or when I have an extra special amount of faith.
BUT EVERY TIME.
Help me to receive Your spirit every second of every day.
That I would always want more.
And be satisfied in all that You are.
Press into my heart more and more.
Know my ways.
Give in me peace.
Help me to trust.
I want to be obedient to You and You alone.
I am so unworthy, but You make me worthy.
And so I will boast all the more in my weaknesses, because it is when I am weak,
THEN I am strong.
Because You make me strong.
I am overwhelmed.
But in Your presence,
I am overjoyed.
You are my joy.
Forever His,
Rachel
