How beautiful are the feet that bring good news......but are those MY feet?

Jesus kind of scared me silly today. I asked Him for what His heart was for me for the future....what His plans were for me.....where He wanted me to go. And what He told me, really scared the $h!t out of me. I'm not gonna lie.

I was sitting there, on my knees, praying that Jesus would reveal Himself to me.

Speak LIFE into me.

And that's when He told me this simple truth.

Something I know, and I've heard before.

But something I take for granted.

That it is ON MY KNEES,

where I begin to heal.

where I begin to hear.

where I am able to fight.

where the victory is won.

where there is nothing left of me, but EVERYthing left of Him.

And.....

it is where He equips me.

Then, that led to the realization that He was actually equipping me for SOMETHING.

And then I started getting scared.

He started saying...

"How beautiful are the feet that bring good news!"

.....And was like:

"But Lord, are those MY feet?!?!?!"

I said Him....

"Who am I but a child?! I do not know how to speak or where to even BEGIN if I am called to missions! What then shall I do?"

And this is what He said....

"Rachel, you must go EVERYWHERE and to EVERYONE that I send you and say WHATEVER I command you to!"

DANG IT.

.....That was literally my reply.

That....and What the heck!?

But I am afraid. I do not know what to say, or how to speak.

I am afraid of rejection.

I am afraid of persecution.

I am afraid that what You ask of me will be too great for me to bear.

I feel that this fear comes from my doubt.

I feel that You will draw me out into the waters and then leave me there to drown.

To be hurt.

To be embarrassed.

"BUT do. not. be. AFRAID of them,

for I am with you, and I will rescue you," declares the Lord!

He said....

"I MUST equip you before you go, daughter.

So STAY on your knees.

And I will prepare the way.

I will ready your heart.

So do not fear. For I have CALLED YOU BY NAME.

You. are Mine."

Stinkin scares me to the core.

But if He wants to use this broken vessel for His will,

If He wants to use me in ways that I can not use myself,

Then GLORY be to God.

For He has been glorified in my life.

So until He calls,

I will remain on my knees.

Wondering if THESE feet, will be bringing good news to the distant end of the earth....

Forever His,

Rach

Surrendering does not equate suffering.

I think that for a long time, I equated surrendering with suffering. That if I wasn't suffering, then I wasn't fully surrendering to the Lord. Like I had to be struggling with SOMETHING in order for me to prove that I needed God. And that I wanted to surrender. Ok so in order for me to surrender....I must suffer? Wait...WHAT?

Ya. Doesn't really make sense right?

Why do we as Christians feel that if we are not suffering, not walking through the pit, not struggling with our sin.....that we are not fully depending on the Lord.

That if we feel even an ounce of freedom, that we are now being self-reliant.

And therefore now surrendering to self, instead of to the Lord.

When did that EVER become reality?

When did that EVER become truth?

I do NOT have to be suffering for me to be fully surrendered, fully dependent on the Lord.

In fact.....I can be walking in the most truest walks of freedom and still be surrendered to the Lord.

Actually, the fact that walking in freedom means that I must COMPLETELY rely on the Lord FOR that freedom is enough to say that there is no way that I could do it without the Lord.

So I am being even MORE reliant on the Lord as I am walking in freedom.

Because the road to freedom is a very narrow one, and the second I let go of His hand, I am done for.

So WHYYYYYY do we think that we must be struggling in order to be dependent on the Lord.

Or WHYYYYY do we think we must be struggling in order to be refined.

We may be being refined even MORE so when we are not struggling. Because it is then that the Lord is working on our roots. Making us stronger from the ground up. So that when that storm of life comes again.......we will not be shaken.

So praise the Lord that I don't have to suffer to be close to Him.

Praise the Lord that I don't have to be struggling to be learning from Him.

I will choose to believe that walking in freedom will reap JUST as many benefits.

That walking in freedom will, in turn, lead to walking in infinite truth.

Surrendering does not equate suffering.

But Freedom does equate surrender.

Forever His,

Rach