I need you to love me.

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

This song spoke to my heart. The words really describe something I have realized the last few months.

-I don't deserve Him.

-I have spent so much time pushing Him away.

-I have kept my heart from Him.

-I have messed up beyond imagination.

But He STILL wants me.

I need to Stop pretending that I can deserve what He's already done.

I will never deserve what He has already done.

It is by His grace, His love, His death that we are saved.

That I am saved.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Here is the link in case you want to listen to the song by Barlow Girl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QaM8l4Pn8c&feature=related

Forever His,

Rachel

Oops. Was that the line?

A friend recently told me that I should get out more. Experience the world. Maybe be a little "bad" or dangerous. Do I want to be naive my whole life? Live under a rock?

Now.

I was homeschooled till the 8th grade, so that did contribute to some of my shelterdeness.

Plus,

I accepted Jesus into my heart at age 6. 

So no time for messing up there.

And,

I've always been the role model to my three younger sisters,

and God knows I've already screwed up enough in that department.

So.

Why would getting out more and experiencing the world really be a problem?

Why shouldn't I get to have a little fun here or there?

Here is the way I see it.

As Christians, we were designed to live IN this world and not OF this world.

To be a part of it, and yet not partake in worldly things.

So.

Where is the line drawn?

How much is too much?

How far is too far?

Is getting a fake ID to get into clubs a sin?

You aren't doing anything wrong if you're not getting drunk right?

Is grinding all up on people a problem?

You aren't having sex, so where is the issue here?

The problem is,

there is no distinct "line".

We can't say "Ok. Here is the line. As long as I don't cross it, I will be ok."

Or I guess, in a sense, we could.

If we say the line is having sex, then grinding and I quote, "dirty dancing", should not be a problem right?

Because they may be getting "close" to the line,

But they are definitely NOT crossing it.

So.

What do I do?

Is crossing the line the only "bad" thing, or is getting pretty darn close to it just as bad?

I heard once that it says in the Bible to flee sexual immorality.

Not to get as close as you possibly can without crossing the line.

Not to see if you can barely touch it and then step away.

No.

I heard it means just what it says.

FLEE.

Does the same thing apply to other sins?

I mean.

If you aren't lusting or being sexual immoral in any way while you are grinding,

does it really make it bad?

You're just having fun right?

The problem is, if you aren't too careful, 

you might just end up crossing that "line".

And nobody wants to be that girl who has to say...

"Oops. Was that the line?"

Forever His,

Rachel

EXILE

"The cowering prisoners will soon be set free;

they will not die in their dungeon,

nor will they lack bread.

For I am the Lord your God,

who churns up the sea so that its

waves roar--

the Lord Almighty is his name.

I have put my words in your mouth

and covered you with the shadow of

my hand--

I who set the heavens in place,

who laid the foundations of the earth,

and who say to Zion, 

"You are my people."

Isaiah 51: 14-16

The cowering prisoners will soon be set free.

They will be 

SET FREE.

I heard a sermon last night about those living in Exile.

Unwanted, unheard, and unalive.

They are living in this pit of sin and they don't feel like they can get out.

They are trapped.

Hurting.

And Suffocating.

Two people got up to give their testimonies last night. 

One of them was my prayer leader.

And he got up there and said how he had grown up in a Christian home.

Accepted Jesus when he was 12.

And continued to pursue Him all the way through college.

Then he transferred to UGA.

And he started trying to find his "identity" in something other than Jesus.

He slowly slipped away from God and into a long depression.

And he

COULD NOT GET OUT.

Or at least that's how he felt.

He felt trapped and unable to climb out of that pit by himself.

But four guys befriended him.

They loved on him.

And they poured into him.

And then they brought him to a college ministry one night.

And the Lord lifted that depression off of him.

And he was healed.

He was on medications, antidepressants, and seeing all kinds of different therapists.

But the Lord took all of that away from him.

He pulled him out of that pit.

My purpose in telling this story is not to say that the Lord heals all things and that if you go to church all your pain will be gone.

No.

I believe the Lord CAN heal all things and He could if He wanted to.

But He has a specific plan for everyone's life, and often times, He puts you through those hard things to make you stronger, better, wiser.

My real purpose in telling this story is to say that there are all kinds of "exiles" in the world.

Most go unnoticed.

Silently hurting.

Slowly fading.

I was one of them for a time.

Unwilling to let the world see me for who I was inside.

Unable to show the pain and self hatred I had for myself.

I have struggled with that self hatred for many years now.

Not being pretty enough.

Not being thin enough.

Not being GOOD enough.

And that has been a constant inner battle with me for the last few years.

But I can honestly say today that I realized something last week.

I don't have that self hatred anymore.

I don't look at a picture and wish that I saw someone completely different standing there.

Sure.

I have my days.

Who doesn't?

But I am not constantly focused on those things.

The Lord has taken them away from me.

He has set me FREE.

I know this probably sounds way supernatural or something of the sort.

Or maybe it doesn't.

But God can do all things.

And He let me fall to my lowest point this summer.

I was hurting for all the wrong reasons.

Some self hatred.

Some self pity.

BOTH sinful.

And BOTH hard to get out of.

But He slowly brought me back to Him.

It's funny how God does things.

He lets us get to our absolutely lowest point before He draws us back to Himself once and for all.

He lets us hit ground zero before He picks us up and says "Ok. That's enough. Now run back to me."

It's hard to say that I was still following God during my darkest hours.

Because I know I wasn't.

I still loved Him.

But I felt so far gone that He could do nothing for me.

HE CAN.

And He will.

Whether it be in this life, or the next.

"The cowering prisoners will soon be set free"

He came to set us free.

He lived to set us free.

He DIED an agonizing, brutal, and horrifying death to set us free.

And He will.

LOVE the EXILES.

For you may have been one of them...

Forever His,

Rachel