Go Make Fishers of Men. But Don't Forget to Fish Yourself. You Might Starve....

It's that time again. When I should be doing homework, but alas, I can not for the LIFE of me find an ounce of motivation to concentrate, even though it is of the utmost importance. So I figured I would do a little something else productive. Like, blog.

I haven't really thought about what I was going to blog about up until this very second. In fact, this very word. BUT, never fear. I think I can squeeze a little bit of intellectual juice out of this already exhausted brain.

I have found myself guilty. AGAIN.

But of something a little different this time....

I have been a Christian since I can remember.

Have learned all the Bible stories.

Heard the same messages over and over.

Read the same verses time and time again.

And I just thought,

"Hey. I've done enough Jesus-learning these last 19 years for me to be able to take a break for a little bit. Plus, I've already heard it all anyway. So what else IS there for me to learn?"

So I've been focusing on evangelism.

Preaching the gospel to others.

Loving on others.

Pouring out my heart, soul, and TIME to others.

So what is left for me to give to God?

Where is that time that I so desperately need with Him?

I'm out there making fishers of men, but what if I forget to fish myself?

I'M GOING TO FRICKIN STARVE!

You know?

Like, I feel as if a lot of Christians just see the Bible, the WORD OF GOD, as a gateway to strengthening their new faith. Understand Christianity and such. But after a certain time, they stop focusing so much on the Bible and instead, turn to "playing it out" in their everyday lives.

WHICH IS GREAT.

But where is the fuel for that fire?

Where is the bread for that hunger?

How can you pour out when you yourself are sucked dry?

And God had to bring me to my knees YET AGAIN.

(He has a dirty rotten way of doin that! :)

And had to show me my fault.

Show me my motives.

Show me my heart.

And no one ever wants to see their own filthy heart.

Anyways.

Just stop trying so hard.

GET in the Word.

TALK to your Daddy.

THEN, go make some new brothers and sisters.

Change my life so I can change others.

Forever His,

Rachel

If you're an atheist, stop using this book to prove your point. It's only hurting you hun.

Ecclesiastes.

The book I am referring to is Ecclesiastes.

And once again, my thoughts and my convictions have brought me to this book.....

For those of you who don't know,

Ecclesiastes is a book about the meaning of life.

Written by a cynical teacher.

Told from a negative perspective.

This book discusses how meaningless life is.

Literally.

The word meaningless is used 37 times throughout the whole (relatively small) book.

That is a stinkin lot of meaninglessness.

Sheesh.

And the reason I bring up this book today,

is once again,

I wrestled today with the reason of why I am EVEN HERE.

Just having the mindset that I had when I was depressed.

Remembering the feelings I had about my life.

The feelings I had towards myself.

The feelings I had about my purpose.

And they all equaled zero.

Every time I tried to think of a reason to live.

To continue on.

I couldn't think of one.

You live your life.

Make decisions.

Form an identity.

Become whoever you want to be.

Accomplish whatever you want to accomplish.

But all for WHAT?

Would it even make a difference if you were gone?

There are others who can do your job.

Others who have the same personality traits.

Others who will accomplish what you would have and more.

So why are you needed?

There. is. no. reason. for. you. to. be. here.

NONE.

So why am I?

What is my frickin purpose?

WHO am I apart from personality?

WHAT am I apart from flesh and bones?

I am NOTHING.....

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

without Jesus.

He IS the only purpose I am here.

He IS the only reason for living.

He IS my identity.

I am no longer just a shell of a man (or woman I guess in my case. ha).

But I am the fullness of joy.

The beauty of grace.

And the strength of salvation.

I am not here for me.

Because "me" is so meaningless.

"Me" is so boring.

"Me" is empty and unfulfilled.

So I will no longer live my meaningless life.

But I will live His meaningFULL one.

Forever His,

Rachel