The book I am referring to is Ecclesiastes.
And once again, my thoughts and my convictions have brought me to this book.....
For those of you who don't know,
Ecclesiastes is a book about the meaning of life.
Written by a cynical teacher.
Told from a negative perspective.
This book discusses how meaningless life is.
Literally.
The word meaningless is used 37 times throughout the whole (relatively small) book.
That is a stinkin lot of meaninglessness.
Sheesh.
And the reason I bring up this book today,
is once again,
I wrestled today with the reason of why I am EVEN HERE.
Just having the mindset that I had when I was depressed.
Remembering the feelings I had about my life.
The feelings I had towards myself.
The feelings I had about my purpose.
And they all equaled zero.
Every time I tried to think of a reason to live.
To continue on.
I couldn't think of one.
You live your life.
Make decisions.
Form an identity.
Become whoever you want to be.
Accomplish whatever you want to accomplish.
But all for WHAT?
Would it even make a difference if you were gone?
There are others who can do your job.
Others who have the same personality traits.
Others who will accomplish what you would have and more.
So why are you needed?
There. is. no. reason. for. you. to. be. here.
NONE.
So why am I?
What is my frickin purpose?
WHO am I apart from personality?
WHAT am I apart from flesh and bones?
I am NOTHING.....
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
NOTHING.
without Jesus.
He IS the only purpose I am here.
He IS the only reason for living.
He IS my identity.
I am no longer just a shell of a man (or woman I guess in my case. ha).
But I am the fullness of joy.
The beauty of grace.
And the strength of salvation.
I am not here for me.
Because "me" is so meaningless.
"Me" is so boring.
"Me" is empty and unfulfilled.
So I will no longer live my meaningless life.
But I will live His meaningFULL one.
Forever His,
Rachel
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