Love Letter.

Dearest Daughter,

You are beautiful.

You are worthy.

You are beloved.

You deserve to be FOUGHT for.

I have made you unique, and there is no one else like you.

Never doubt your worth, child, because you are SO worthy.

Do you even know the measure of my love?

I made you because I love you.

I submitted my son to torture and death because I love you.

I see NO fault in you.

You are blameless in my sight.

STOP washing the wounds of your past.

They are already healed my child!

Why do you keep the bandaid on???

Take it OFF an show your scars.

They are what make you beautiful.

Find your satisfaction in me, daughter.

Stop using other fleeting lovers to fill that hole.

They will only let you down.

I, alone, can fill it.

I CREATED it for. that. purpose.

I am the completion of your soul.

Without me, you will always be lacking.

Wanting.

Come to me, and be filled.

Do you not know how beautiful you ARE????

Daughter, I have made you in my image!

Everything you have comes from me.

Your voice is a gift.

Do. not. waste. it.

Use it to sing to me.

I love it when you sing to me.

Your sweet praises fill my halls and I delight in you.

I gave you your voice so you could glorify your maker.

So come, daughter,

and give me glory.

Your joy is a gift.

It testifies to who I am and what I have done for you.

Never take it for granted.

You have a gift for making people laugh, daughter.

So stop WORRING about what people think and

be. yourself.

Be who I created you to be!

Your wisdom comes from me alone.

Who else could supply you with the secrets of my presence?

Seek after knowledge.

Never. stop. seeking.

Because it is THEN when you will find me.

Your eyes are bluer than the deepest sea and the most radiant oasis.

They shine brighter than the brightest sun and sparkle more than the largest star.

Stop questioning your beauty.

Your beauty is striking.

Your personality is warm.

I have given you BOTH.

Use them for MY glory.

I could go on and on, daughter.

There is an immeasurable amount of love that I want to lavish on you.

So come to me.

And I will give you rest.

Seek me.

And I will show you the secrets of the universe.

Trust me.

Because I love you more than you could ever know or comprehend.

You are mine.

Always and forever.

Love,

Your Daddy in Heaven

Read this and be blessed my child.

For it is only when you understand how worthy you are in Christ's eyes,

that you can live in the fullness of His freedom.

And in it,

be captivated by Him, who alone is worthy.

Forever His,

Rachel

I don't want to be safe.

Sometimes, I hate feeling safe. I hate feeling secure. Now, don't get me wrong, I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is always rest in the shadow of His wings. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He is the reason that I have been kept safe thus far. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He simply loves me....for me. BUT, I don't want to be safe anymore.

Because it is when I am safe,

I become comfortable.

And when I become comfortable,

I become complacent.

And when I become complacent,

I am frickin screwed.

I build my own version of the Lord's house and put MYSELF at the center of it.

Like He is the door keeper

but I am the owner of that house and it is ME and ONLY me that lives inside of it.

I need to feel safe.

I need to feel secure.

So that I am comfortable.

And happy.

And without Him.

Because I can take care of the house on my own,

I can dust, and cook, and clean, and mop, and make the bed, and sweep the floor andddd....

Be a WOMAN for crying out loud!

Isn't that where we belong anyways?

In the kitchen, slicing the bread, makin a sandwich.....

.......That was my failed attempt at a woman joke.

[otherwise known as the "we are men and need to feel better about ourselves so we'll make fun of women because they are weaker than us" jokes]

I like to crack 'em every once in a while.......

But I'm being serious here.

I can handle the house on my own only for so long.

Then I get lonely.

And I was too full of myself in the first place to let anyone else in.

I built this house half with Pride and half with Fear.

Neither of which constitute a very beautiful house.

So I need a HURRICANE.

To just come in a TEAR THE WALLS DOWN.

I need a BURNING FLAME.

To just BURNNNN ALL OF THE WALLS DOWNNNN.

I want You to come in Jesus and to just make. a. BEAUTIFUL MESS of me.

We always ask for Him to renew us for our good.....

But why do we never ask Him to frickin MESS. US. UPPPPPP. for our good?

Ya know?

And for His glory.

So I don't want to be safe.

I don't want to feel secure anymore.

Come and make a beautiful mess of me.

If DESTRUCTION is what I need,

then I will receive Lord, from thee.

You are my hurricane.

Forever His,

Rachel

RAW.

im in the mood to be real with you. to be stripped down to the very essence of my nature. to take my bleeding heart and hold it out for the world to see. to take the dirt of my past and the shame of my youth and share it with the world. im in the mood to be RAW.

i dont really know what compels one to share all.

to tell all.

to be read like an open book.

but i figure....

for so many years,

i lived a lie.

i manipulated.

and covered up.

and kept hidden.

and after so many years of it,

i just couldn't do it any more.

it was like i could see this light,

but it just kept getting farther and farther away.

not closer and closer like i wanted it to.

and you know i wonder,

did i do something wrong?

i thought there was shelter in the shadow of Your wings....

i thought that good will come to those who love You.....

i thought once You had me, You wouldn't let me go....

was i so naive?

to think that if i trusted the God of the universe, that He would keep me safe?

what did i do wrong.

why me.

why that.

why then.

and i guess i will never understand fully the weight of my sin.

i cannot even comprehend.

so much goes under my radar.

so much sin goes unnoticed.

but i know that even though i hated myself my entire childhood,

even though i have more selfishness than everyone in the world combined,

even though i hurt my body just to feel something,

even though i hurt those i love because i can,

even though i turned my back on God an incessant number of times,

even though i turned to food for satisfaction,

even though i turned to satisfaction to find worth,

even though i put myself as my top priority daily,

even though i have cursed God and hated Him and at times have thought it was better if i had never. even. been. born,

I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME.

but He doesn't like the hard, stone-like, put together version of me.

He likes the soft, broken, messed up version of me that i absolutely HATE.

because it means im weak.

it means im broken.

it means im NOTHING.

and HE makes me something.

He takes the RAWNESS of my clay.

and turns it into a BEAUTIFUL masterpiece.

"No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her), and you land Beulah (married). As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your GOd rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:4

I am RAW.

He makes me new.

Forever His,

Rachel

Struggling to Breathe

I.

(gasp)

can't.

(gasp)

breathe.

(gasp)

the weight of it all.

(gasp)

is.

(gasp)

great.

(gasp)

Could I ever measure.

(gasp)

up.

(gasp)

to Him?

(gasp)

There is so much that.

(gasp)

I.

(gasp)

want to say.

(gasp)

So much that I.

(gasp)

want.

(gasp)

to do.

(gasp)

But I can barely.

(gasp)

catch.

(gasp)

my breath.

(gasp)

Sin keeps on squeezing.

(gasp)

tighter.

(gasp)

and tighter.

(gasp)

Using the very.

(gasp)

deepest.

(gasp)

parts of me.

(gasp)

To leave me cold.

(gasp)

barren.

(gasp)

and alone.

(gasp)

And I am dying.

(gasp)

Struggling.

(gasp)

Losing.

(gasp)

Control.

(gasp)

Fighting.

(gasp)

Someone.

(gasp)

Please.

(gasp)

Help.

(gasp)

Me.

(gasp)

SOMEONE.

(gasp)

PLEASE.

(gasp)

HELP.

(gasp)

ME.

(gasp)

PLEASE!!!

(gasp)

I.

(gasp)

CAN'T.

(gasp)

ANYMORE.

(gasp)

I.

(gasp)

I.

(gasp)

I.

(gaspppppppppppppppppppppppppp)......................

JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in.

out.

in.

out.

in.

out.

im breathing.

in.

out.

in.

out.

and He is good.

and I am breathing again.

Praise be to God.

Jesus, there is pain.

And You are redemption.

And I am free.

I can breathe again.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You are Life-Giver.

Forever His,

Rachel