I don't want to be safe.

Sometimes, I hate feeling safe. I hate feeling secure. Now, don't get me wrong, I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is always rest in the shadow of His wings. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He is the reason that I have been kept safe thus far. I am overwhelmed by the fact that He simply loves me....for me. BUT, I don't want to be safe anymore.

Because it is when I am safe,

I become comfortable.

And when I become comfortable,

I become complacent.

And when I become complacent,

I am frickin screwed.

I build my own version of the Lord's house and put MYSELF at the center of it.

Like He is the door keeper

but I am the owner of that house and it is ME and ONLY me that lives inside of it.

I need to feel safe.

I need to feel secure.

So that I am comfortable.

And happy.

And without Him.

Because I can take care of the house on my own,

I can dust, and cook, and clean, and mop, and make the bed, and sweep the floor andddd....

Be a WOMAN for crying out loud!

Isn't that where we belong anyways?

In the kitchen, slicing the bread, makin a sandwich.....

.......That was my failed attempt at a woman joke.

[otherwise known as the "we are men and need to feel better about ourselves so we'll make fun of women because they are weaker than us" jokes]

I like to crack 'em every once in a while.......

But I'm being serious here.

I can handle the house on my own only for so long.

Then I get lonely.

And I was too full of myself in the first place to let anyone else in.

I built this house half with Pride and half with Fear.

Neither of which constitute a very beautiful house.

So I need a HURRICANE.

To just come in a TEAR THE WALLS DOWN.

I need a BURNING FLAME.

To just BURNNNN ALL OF THE WALLS DOWNNNN.

I want You to come in Jesus and to just make. a. BEAUTIFUL MESS of me.

We always ask for Him to renew us for our good.....

But why do we never ask Him to frickin MESS. US. UPPPPPP. for our good?

Ya know?

And for His glory.

So I don't want to be safe.

I don't want to feel secure anymore.

Come and make a beautiful mess of me.

If DESTRUCTION is what I need,

then I will receive Lord, from thee.

You are my hurricane.

Forever His,

Rachel