Thank You for holding my heart.

Thank You for holding my heart in Your hands.

Saving me from heartbreak, with Your better plans.

Thank You for knowing me better than I ever could.

You give me more grace, than You really ever should.

Thank You for sparing me all of the tears.

I've taken this for granted, all of these years.

Thank You for putting up with my whining and complaining.

When I'm crying so hard that it looks like it's raining.

Thank You for being the greatest lover of my heart.

No one else could ever out play You for this part.

Thank You for listening to my silly boy prayers.

Although they aren't much, I know you still care.

Thank You for knowing who I am and who I'll be.

Someday, I hope, You will provide someone for me.

Thank You for being the One who provides.

I will worry not because You've made us all brides.

Thank You for knowing my life from the start.

One day I hope You will be able to share my heart.

Until then.

I will wait.

Patiently.

Unafraid.

Knowing.

You will break off.

A piece of my heart.

And give it to the man.

With whom you will now share my heart.

For now,

My heart is whole.

And it's wholly Yours.

Forever His,

Rachel

Modest is Hottest.

I don't really know what brought about the inspiration for this post. It could have been the random thoughts that go through my head at the grocery store, the never ending bamboozlement we get of half naked people on billboards and in magazines, or the fact that we stole Dana's towel tonight. I'm not really sure...

But for the sake of time and brain energy, 

we will just say it was all three.

I was inspired.

I was curious.

And so here I am.

Contemplating why our world has become so immodest. 

I literally would have been burned at the stake back in the 1800s if they had seen the nike shorts that I was wearing today.

I don't really think they are that short.

But there was a time when I would have been called a whore, or possibly even a witch,

(i used my black magic to invent the tank top. ahhh)

because of it.

So, the question is,

why HAS our world turned half-naked into beautiful?

When did it become ok to DAILY look like the version of Britney Spears on stage at Phillip's during her 2000 world tour where she is wearing a loincloth, and maybe some socks?, with a boa constrictor as her accessory.

WHEN?!?!

And it is getting worse and worse every generation.

Back in my day, 8th grade was the year when you started wearing miniskirts, makeup, and major attitude (all of which i really regret. raccoon makeup was so not in.)

And now its like 4th grade.

4th grade?!

I don't even know anymore.

How corrupt is our world.

So desperate.

So hurting.

And just think of how this is affecting relationships, teen pregnancies, guys!

Especially Christian guys.

If there are any of you out there that happen to stumble across this post,

know this,

I am truly sorry for the way that some girls dress.

TRULY sorry.

I know it is extra hard for you all when we wear the really short skirts, or really low shirts, or really small bikinis.

(who am I kidding, any bikini at all!)

And I honestly think that we (all us Christian girls) could be trying harder.

For serious.

But this culture has turned sexuality into something that is just becoming more and more accepted.

So what if I wear this shirt wear my boobs are falling out.

It's "just sexy".

Since when did being half-naked ever become a good thing?

There is a reason that Adam and Eve felt shame in the Garden of Eden when they realized they were naked.

So why are we moving backwards?

I just have one last thing to say....

To all you guys:

guard your eyes, guard your hearts.

To all you girls:

guard the girls, guard your dignity.

Forever His,

Rachel

Death at a Funeral

I thought about the unthinkable today. I have done this many times in the past few years, especially these last two. I was just driving back to Athens. Minding my own business. Wondering what it would be like if I died. Yes. Morbid. I know. But there comes a time for everything. Look it up. It's in the Bible. Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3 if you cared. (I hope someone just got that reference...)

I don't wish I was dead.

On the contrary.

I am quite thankful to be alive.

But what if I did die.

What if I left this earth without so much as a goodbye.

I mean just think of how Enoch and Elijah felt.

They were just swept up to Heaven.

They didn't even have to die.

They were just gone.

And then I began to think.....

Of all the 19 years I have lived, I have come in contact with many, many people.

Had I touched these people in some way?

Would they remember me?

Would they be able to put the name with the face?

What about my closer family and friends?

How would they feel?

How long would they mourn?

Would there be a lot of people at my funeral?

AHHhhhhhh.

Thoughts just began to bombard my brain as I drew up a long and elaborate web of my life.

It included many of the close friends I have had over the years and my family,

but what about all those "other" people.

The people I said "hello" to at the grocery store.

The acquaintances I had in high school.

The boy I had a crush on in 8th grade.

Would any of them even remember me?

Granted, none of them will probably attend my funeral.

Niche.

Especially not the boy I had a crush on in 8th grade.

No one knew of our secret love except me.

And I will gladly take this secret to the grave.

But despite that fact,

would they have remembered me as a joyful person?

Would they have remembered me as a quite person?

A mean person?

A nerdy person?

A loud person?

A funny person?

A LOVING person?

How will I be remembered?

Who. have. I. touched?

Is it just those who know me well-enough to know the deeper part of me?

Have I touched only them?

Or have I touched that little boy who is crying.

(That sounded really dirty but I didn't mean it to be. Ok back to being serious...)

Have I touched the man on the side of the road who can't find the bus stop.

Have I touched the girl who sits alone in my religion class.

Have I touched the jock who appears to have it all together but really has too many insecurities.

Have I touched the wise kid who thinks he will never know enough.

Have I touched the old lady who can't find her way back to her car.

Have I touched the bagger at the grocery store.

Have I touched the girl sitting next to me on the bus or the boy waiting in line at the Subway.

Have I touched the hands and feet of Jesus and had enough faith to touch others with His love?

Don't be dead at your funeral.

"Let your light shine so that others may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."

Let your light shine and you will not be dead at your funeral.

You couldn't possibly be.

Because it was never your light shining anyways.

It was Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

IGNOre me will i RANT.

I am taking a break from studying (ok so maybe I haven't really started and it's 12:30, whoops!) to inform you of the following, via a mediocrely zealous rant.....The dictionary defines ignorance as: "lacking in knowledge, or uninformed". The urban dictionary defines it as something else, but for the sake of decency we will just leave it at that...

I am all about knowledge.

I HATE ignorance.

Absolutely hate it.

But it's not the lack of knowledge that is so unsettling, 

No.

But rather the complacency that comes with this lack of knowledge.

Or the belief that you DO, in fact, know it all, and thus, don't need to learn anything else.

THIS, my friends, is what bothers me so.

What erks and vexes me to no end.

It's the idea that someone has no desire to gain more knowledge.

And would rather speak as if they know it all, instead of owning up to their scarcity of knowledge.

Ok.

So now that we have got that down.

And you all know that I don't like ignorance,

We will move on.....

It occurred to me the other day that you don't just have to speak with ignorance to be ignorant.

Let me repeat that.

Just because you don't speak ignorantly doesn't mean you are not still ignorant.

I thought about this.

And thought about it.

And thought about it some more.

And I came to the consensus that 

although I may not speak with ignorance,

I. may. live. with. it.

WHAT.

I LIVE ignorantly.

Just because I don't speak with a lack of knowledge.

Doesn't mean I don't live with it.

Ok.

So I know some of you are probably pretty confused right about now.

Let 

me 

break

it 

down.............

I seek after knowledge.

This means that I am looking for knowledge, and although, do not know it all, am trying to become more informed.

And when I speak, I either speak with the wisdom of this knowledge that I DO know, or do not speak at all if it is something pertaining to those things I do NOT yet know.

Therefore, I do not speak with ignorance.

I do not speak as one uninformed.

But I DO live this way.

And although it vexes me to no end to say this,

But although I do not speak with ignorance,

I live ignorance.

Every. single. day.

I know the facts.

I know the truths.

But that doesn't mean I always live by them.

I may speak with knowledge.

But that doesn't mean I always live by this knowledge.

Many times we KNOW what's right and what's wrong.

But we find ourselves LIVING contradictory to the exact truths that we SPEAK.

Whyyyyyyy.

You can only imagine how much of a grievance this was,

to find out that the exact thing that I hate,

irrevocably and uncontrollably hate,

was the exact way I. was. living.

Ughhh.

Such disgust.

And disappointment.

I don't have to speak ignorantly to be ignorant.

The ignorance that I live daily is more than enough to do just that.

So ignorance.

IGNORing (the truths) while RANTing.

Yes, 

but more so,

IGNORing (the truths) while LIVING.

Forever His,

Rachel

What Makes ME Worthy?

I live in sin DAILY. And most times it is out of choice. I have the CHOICE to resist temptation. I have the CHOICE to say no to sin. But do I ever? Do I ever say no? Honestly, I can't. I can never say no to sin. Because I am a child of wrath. I was born of sin. So what. makes. me. worthy?

We hear it all the time.

"I can't believe I did that."

"I made a big mistake."

"Oops I did it again."

Ok. Maybe the last one was just Britney Spears.

But we find ourselves regretting things we do all. of. the. time.

And sometimes, we know we have done something wrong.

And we 

just

don't 

care.

Right?

Am I the ONLY one who honestly sometimes KNOWS I have sinned.

KNOWS I've done wrong.

KNOWS I've taken glory away from God.

KNOWS I have no right to do that.

And honestly, doesn't care?

Shakes it off like it's no big thing.

I've done it a million times already anyways right?

So God won't mind forgiving me once more.

Heck, I'm sure He already has.

So I won't worry about it.

And move on.

Ok.

Something is horribly wrong with that scenario.

Since when did it EVER become ok for me to sin?

When did it EVER become "no big deal" that I SINNED AGAINST GOD?

Ok.

Correction:

NOT Ok.

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

to the infinity, triple stamp, no erasies, touch blue makes it true Unworthy.

(that little piece of heaven is from Dumb and Dumber in case you are a hermit)

And I can't. stop. sinning.

WHYYYYYYYY?!?!

Oh, how I hate that we have sinful natures.

I hate that I can't MAKE myself stop sinning.

I can't do anything.

That is where Jesus comes in.

He is the ONLY one that can help me stop sinning.

He is the ONLY one that makes me worthy enough to be forgiven by God time and time again.

And I hurt HIM every single time I sin.

HE makes me worthy.

The nails in His hands are proof that I have worth.

That I am righteous and blameless in God's eyes.

Do you know what the definition of blameless is?

It means "guiltless; without blemish".

I am so perfect in God's eyes.

Regardless of the fact that I sin daily.

I am still surrounded by the filth of my sin.

I can feel it on me.

Lingering at times, because I am too ashamed to ask Jesus to take it away.

But He does anyway.

Time and time again.

And although I sin daily.

God only sees one thing when He looks at me.

And HALLELUJAH, 

that's Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

What a Girl Wants.

Despite the fact that this is a very cheesy Christina Aguilera song. And despite the fact that I have been on a very "deep and thoughtful" streak for the past week on this blog. I figured it was time to explore, what some may classify as, a lighter topic. So this is the question I am posing today. What exactly DOES a girl want?

Let me start off by saying that this post is in no way a punch to the gonads of the female population.

I myself, being of the female species, am simply stating some of the truths of life.

So here we go....

We know it all.

Correction:

We THINK we know it all.

And therefore, we don't know it all.

We know what we want.

Correction:

We THINK we know what we want.

And therefore, we don't know what we want.

It's just logic. Plain and simple.

It's not quantum physics.

It's not molecular engineering.

It's just reason and deduction.

Although this question is something that I have come across quite frequently in my lifetime,

constantly asking myself,

"Rachel, what the barack DO you really want?"

(And yes. That just happened.),

this question is very mysterious and actually quite frightening to the male population.

If you are a male reading this, 

please don't assume that I am calling you out.

(Actually assume away. I'm pretty sure that's the whole point.)

But I know that you don't always understand women.

That's ok.

Sometimes, WE don't even understand women.

Why DO we do the things that we do?

I'm pretty sure it all comes down to one teensy tiny little thing:

We. are. crazy.

No.

I was totally kidding.

But seriously, 

we are just a lot more emotional.

And are a lot more moody than most guys.

I hate saying that, but we are.

We go through cycles every month (partly due to hormones...yes. those wonderful things)

and this just causes the best of us to be a nice version of Jessica Alba one day 

and the next we are the absolute meanest version of Hillary. 

(Clinton, in case you are a little slower)

Regardless,

we don't always know what we want.

I guess that's probably why I have found myself writing this post.

Because I wondered what exactly I do want, and that made me wonder if I even know what I want, and maybe if other girls feel this way and have no idea what they want, etc. etc. etc.

So there you have it.

My five minute rant about how I know that girls don't know what they want.

And now you know that I know that girls don't know what they want.

Thank goodness God already knows the desires of our hearts.

Because otherwise,

we'd all be screwed.

Forever His,

Rachel

The Things I Fear Most in the World.

There are many things that I fear in this world. And although we are called to only fear the Father, and Him alone, I am only human. And often times find myself fearing many things. These are the things that wrench my heart and cause me such uncertainty.

I fear....

disappointing God what the world thinks

         being in a relationship

not knowing who I am never being able to have children

losing my family

                          having someone really know me

that no one even cares       I am not beautiful enough

               stumbling so far i can't get up

revealing my heart fully

                                     making a fool of myself

                                                                          dying alone

never saying goodbye

                         believing all the lies  

turning my back on God

                                                      growing old and getting wrinkly

getting close to someone

                      the real evil in this world

being alone

    the fact that spiders have 8 legs          that i won't be liked

 

that i will never really be worthy

Why do I fear?

What does this world have to offer that it should be WORTHY of my fears?

God is Love.

There is no fear in love.

Therefore, why should I fear?

Give me one good reason.

Will I wake up tomorrow?

At 4:38 am, will I have breathed my last breath?

Did I tell my family I love them enough?

Will I die wearing a cute outfit?

(Maybe not the biggest fear on my list, but still....)

Probably one of my greater fears is letting someone really KNOW me.

Know my likes.

My dislikes.

My strengths.

My weaknesses.

Know my heart.

THAT really freaks me out.

Probably number one on my "Reasons I Do Not Need a Boyfriend" List.

And yes.

I. actually. wrote. a. list.

But still.

Sometimes it even freaks me out that God already knows my heart, knows me,

better than I know myself.

But I will push through.

God has given me strength.

I will not fear.

So goodbye fear of death.

Goodbye fear of unworthiness.

Goodbye fear of spiders, evil, intimacy.

There is only room for one thing in my heart.

And that space is no longer vacant.

Jesus resides there.

Forever His,

Rachel

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces new born infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet...

Yes. That is the title from Talladega Nights. And no, I am not Will Ferrell. Sorry. But it does relate to what was on my mind today. Does anyone ever wonder how Jesus was as a baby? I mean when do you think He was old enough to understand that He was God? Or did He know that He was God from the moment He was conceived? It's just flabbergasting.

Did He ever cry as a baby?

Did He ever get messy as a 2 year old?

Did He ever get zits as a teenager?

Did He ever question that He was God the way I question my purpose in this world???

I know He was fully human, 

but He was also fully God.

And God knows everything.

But was His human mind able to comprehend it all?

We weren't made to have the mind of God.

It says in the Bible that NO one will know the mind of God.

So did Jesus?

When did He come to realize that He was fully God and fully man?

We were all made for a purpose.

Every. single. one of us.

When did Jesus KNOW what His purpose was?

Did His PARENTS have to tell Him that He was the son of God?

I mean how do you tell your child,

"Hey Jesus. Daddy isn't really your father. You were immaculately conceived by the Holy Spirit."

Like did Jesus even know what "immaculately" meant when He was a child?

That's like one step up from telling your child that they are adopted.

Except your real Father is God.

I mean whose DNA did Jesus have?

What did His genetic makeup look like and did He have any of the physical traits of His parents?

These are the kind of questions that go through my head.

Like Jesus was ACTUALLY A PERSON.

Just like me and you.

And just as we will have bodies in heaven,

Jesus is sitting at the right hand of God right now,

and He STILL has those scars in His wrists.

Those holes from the nails.

You probably can see right through them.

Will we get to hug Jesus in heaven?

Will we be able to thank Him for His courage and His devotion, even to death on a cross?

I just can't wait!!!!

It's so exciting to think about.

I guess I can ask Jesus all of these questions when I get to heaven.

Maybe we can go get coffee at the Cafe de Angel or something.

I can meet His mom.

He can pull out the baby pictures.

I don't know.

But I can't wait to get to know Him better.

I have all eternity to do it.

Forever His,

Rachel

Monty Python anyone?

somedays i feel like monty python. now, i honestly have no idea who he is, what he does, or even if i spelled his name right. all i know is that in one of his movies he searches for the meaning of life. heck, i might even be wrong about that. but that's not the point.

the point is i too am searching.

seeking after knowledge.

looking for hidden treasure.

knocking so that the door may be opened for me.

this is all good and well. right?

but my question for you is

"how much searching is too much searching?"

"how far is too far?"

we are only meant to know so much right?

i mean, if we knew everything, we would be God. correct?

and im not sure if i've already established my feelings on this particular topic,

but i decided i never ever would want to be God.

Not that He isn't wonderful and amazing, my goodness, He created us!

but just thinking about how big He is and how much He holds together moment by moment,

it scares me.

ok. ya. sure. He's God.

but seriously.

think about it.

take a second.

you obviously have some extra time on your hands here or else you wouldn't be reading my blog.

busted.

but for real.

He holds the universe together.

and when i say universe, i don't just mean the universe.

He holds every single tiny part that makes up the universe together.

every single atom that makes up a molecule that makes up a cell that makes up tissues and fibers that make up objects that make up other parts that help to exchange gases with the air and the sea level always stays at the right level and the earth stays approximately x distance away from the sun so we don't burn to death but we also don't freeze to death and He knows when people will be born and will die and when rabbits need to be fed and storms need to happen to bring the rain to water the plants so that buffalos can drink and knows just how long winters need to be so as not to kill the forest animals and when certain stars in the universe will burn out and how much precipitation is in the air.

and did i mention He know how many hairs are on your head and how many grains of sand are on the sea shore?

and He still has time to watch over each. one. of us.

and have a personal relationship with me. and you. and your mom.

yup.

He is that big.

and that kind of responsibility that He has,

the weight of the universe,

it seems so big to me.

but it is such a small task for Him.

man.

now that we've established that.

back to monty python and the element of searching.

i LOVE theology.

i LOVE learning about God.

and i LOVE learning about different people's view points of God and on the scriptures.

but when does my search for the truth turn into a search to be right?

to know it all?

to know everything?

i often times asking myself if my searching is a sin.

do i have the right motives?

would God be pleased that i am learning more about Him?

or is He frustrated because i am doing it for the wrong reasons?

i guess what I'm trying to say is this.

do NOT be content.

do NOT be complacent.

at least when it comes to your faith and your knowledge of the scriptures.

test everything and get to know your Father.

He already knows everything about you.

just don't take it too far.

don't become obsessed with the truth.

there are some things we aren't meant to know.

God will reveal truth to us in HIS time. not ours.

just be patient.

and remember those famous encouraging words of Monty Python......

wait for it....

wait for it..............

nope.

i've got nothing.

Forever His,

Rachel

Obstacles at Their Finest....

Ok. So I am about to give a really cheesy analogy.....Let's just say you are walking to class. No big deal. Right? But as you are walking, intently focused on getting to your destination, a friendly little bumblebee pops into your path. What do you do? 

First, you probably stop right?

Then, you might do a little avoidance dance so as not to hit the bee.

Then, you might make a face or two in terror.

Finally get around it.

And continue on your way.

But in that moment,

When that bee pops into your path,

You forget about your destination.

All you can think about 

is 

the

bee.

I am now going to try to link this ferociously cheesy story to my life.

Particularly, Jesus and the ever elusive husband topic.

So.

You are just walking down the path of life.

Focusing on Jesus, or in the bee story, your final destination.

He is what we look to.

He is what we aim for.

But often times we find ourselves in situations where other things start to grab our attention.

They make us stop walking towards Jesus.

They make us do a little avoidance dance to maybe try to get away from the situation.

But we often times end up making different faces because we're afraid we can't get away.

But then we remember where we are going,

Suck it up,

And continue on our way.

I find this very similar to the topic of dating, relationships, marriage, etc.

We are focusing on Jesus. Right?

But then some guy comes into our life.

He's really awesome.

And all we can think about is "Well is he my future husband?"

After a while, we might try to avoid him altogether because we don't know what he is.

We might be frustrated because we don't know whether to stay or continue on our way.

Do we linger a little longer out of frustration and uncertainty or do we remember our final destination and continue walking towards Jesus?

Oftentimes, this "bee" also comes back.

It follows you.

You follow it.

Maybe a different bee comes along.

Whatever.

The point is.

We are going to encounter many bees in our life.

Should we let them stop us from walking towards Jesus?

Absolutely not.

Do we often let them do exactly that?

Absolutely.

WHY?

Because we are afraid what might happen if we walk right through them.

Will we be stung?

Will there be pain as a consequence of not sticking around and waiting?

How do we know who are future husband is going to be?

How do we know when too far is too far?

Or waiting this long is waiting too long and you will only be stung?

I just don't know!

It's so frustrating.

Please don't think that this rant is out of some internal frustration or personal anguish that I have experienced lately.

It absolutely isn't not.

I'm just saying that a lot of Christian girls are afraid of the bee.

Which bee will be THE bee?

You know?

Like how long do we have to wait?

Our final destination is SOOOOO WONDERFUL,

so WHY do we get so stinkin distracted from it all of the time.

THIS I shall never know.

Probably because we are all filthy and unworthy sinners.

Just sayin.

Forever His,

Rachel

Warning: Godly women protect your heart. There is a Godly man afoot.

ok seriously? i love my guy friends. they are awesome. they love Jesus. they are awesome. THEY LOVE JESUS. here is the problem: they are awesome AND they love Jesus. CONCLUSION: they are totally marriage material and we should date. wait, WHAT?????

this kind of train of thought is not uncommon for many Christian college aged girls nowadays. 

it has just become the norm.

meet some awesome Christian guys in college. 

if they are sweet, funny, and love Jesus=marriage material

if they are sweet, funny, love Jesus and are chivalrous in any way (aka open doors for you, walk you home....things gentlemen do)=not only are they marriage material but they love you too and want to have 3 babies and a house

ok.

no no no no no no no no NO!

it does not work that way at all.

but the thing that sucks is that many of us Christian girls want it to.

but its hard. because we can't just be friends with an awesome Christian guy unless we are totally prepared and guarding our hearts.

so easily do we fall under the spells of kindness and goodness and gentleness and faithfulness: traits that these godly men possess. you know why? because Jesus gave it to them. because they are fruits of the SPIRIT. not fruits of John, Jacob, or Jingleheimershmidt.

Fruits of the SPIRIT.

ERGO, we aren't falling prey to these men per say (although they may have rock hard bodies and need a bandaid because they are so cut), 

but in fact, we are falling in love with the Jesus in them.

the Jesus we know will never fail us no matter what.

so its so hard. 

it really is.

and if any guys ever read these silly blog posts of mine, then know this.

we love that you love Jesus.

and i know that you know that we love that you love Jesus.

just know that because you know that i know that you know that we love that you love Jesus,

doesn't mean it makes it any easier on either of us.

ok.

so maybe that was a little too confusing.

basically.

good job Christian guys, godly men of faith, perserverers in the Word, lights of the world.

keep doing what you do.

just know that we Christian girls KNOW that you all are more in touch with your feelings than other men other. 

we know that you know who you are in Christ and are confident in Him.

just know that we never want to push you away because of something you've done wrong.

it's probably because you are doing everything right.

and that's when it comes time that we must protect our hearts.

back away.

and leave it up to Jesus.

because the guards at the gate to my heart may be strong enough to withstand a Christian guy,

but they will never ever be strong enough to withstand the love of Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel