Philosophy Statement of Rachel House

This is the Philosophy paper that I had to write for my Health Promotion class.

I wrote it about Jesus.

I attempted to put Jesus in a philosophy paper.

God help me.

I am praying that the Lord is with me as my possibly agnostic/atheist teacher reads this paper and grades it.

The Lord will either reward me for my faithfulness or show me how much the world does not like Him.

I hope it is the former.

I pray it is the former.

Please read my thoughts about life and about health and about everything......

I hope you enjoy reading it just as fully as I enjoyed writing it.

Here it is.......

Normally, I would start this paper off by using big words to sound smart. I would write about things that I thought other people would buy into. And I would describe my philosophy about life and about health as other people would see it. People would be impressed and maybe partially satisfied by my thoughts, but this would in no way describe how I really feel about life, about health, and about helping others. So what am I to do? Write about something that I feel other people may want to hear? Or write about something that I am passionate about, that defines me, that represents me to the core? Although I am risking a few ruffled feathers and stepped-on toes, I am convicted to choose the latter.

Before I describe how I feel about life and about health and about the world as a whole, I must first put a warning label on this philosophy statement. I know it may be quite politically incorrect to speak the name of Jesus Christ in a philosophy paper. It may be even more politically incorrect to bring him into the field of health promotion. What right does he have to be there anyway? But I cannot help but bring him into this matter. He is the reason I am in this field. He is my purpose in life and the philosophy of it. He may make some people uncomfortable, but then again, I’m not here to make people feel comfortable. I’m in this field to help people, to love people, and to change this world for the better. To embark on such a journey, without Jesus at my side, would be foolish. He is what sustains me.

My philosophy of life can be defined by one word: joy. Webster’s dictionary defines joy as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation”. Although I find myself agreeing with Webster on this definition, it is not what I mean when I say joy. Rather, I am referring to the reason for my life; and by this, I mean what my life consists of. And that is exactly what it consists of: joy. Jesus. Others. Yourself. My philosophy is to put Jesus first, because it is by His grace that I am currently breathing. Then, I focus on others. This is the reason I am in the field of health promotion: to put others before myself, to love them unconditionally as Jesus has loved me, and to give them the tools to live a healthy and purpose-driven life, regardless of their beliefs. Lastly, I focus on myself. Who I am, what my goals in life are, and what I am here for. I want to be a light to others, plain and simple. This is my purpose in life and my philosophy of it: to radiate joy, and to give others the tools to find joy in their own lives as well.

My philosophy of health can also be defined as one word: happiness. Now, I could sit here and type a bunch of stuff about health that I also do believe. Like, “I believe health is a combination of daily choices”, or “I believe health is holistic and consists of many different aspects of life”, or “I believe health is something that everyone deserves a chance of having”. Don’t get me wrong. All of these definitions of health are well and good. I believe they all define health in one way or another. But they do not get across my major point. My point here is that health is equated with happiness, whether we like it or not. Let’s be real here. When we are not healthy, we usually are not very happy. And when we are not happy, we usually don’t have our health at the top of our priority list. So how do we go through life and remain consistently healthy, when happiness isn’t always so consistent? That is exactly why I am an in the field of health promotion. I want to show people that we can be both happy and healthy regardless of what life throws at us.

Also, I think it is quite unfair that so many people in this world are not in good health. Many of them were born sick. Many of them have gained some type of sickness from their daily lifestyle, or from their lack of available health resources. Many of them are sick because they are malnourished. Many of them will die today because of a lack of this good health. This is just not fair. We, the people of the United States, have the resources to help cure the diseased. We, the people, have the food to help the malnourished. We, the people, have the knowledge and the skills to help get many of these sick people back into good health. What we, the people, lack is the desire. We don’t care. Over half of the world currently lives on less than 2 dollars a day. That just doesn’t seem fair to me. I would like to see the day when health became a right, not just a privilege. So let’s make that a possibility. Let’s go out there and actually care. I want to have the same love for these people that Jesus has for them. I want to actually give a crap.

Health promotion is such a broad concept, and an even larger field. There is so much that you can do within the realm of health promotion. I entered this major with the idea that it was mainly just a route to nursing. Just one more stepping-stone on my way to becoming a midwife, and that was all. But health promotion has become something so much more to me. It is a field of great compassion, and I want to share that compassion with anyone and everyone. I have so much bigger goals for my life now than before I entered this major. I simply thought I would become a nurse, get my masters in midwifery, get married, have kids, and then live happily ever after. I wanted the modern American dream. One day in class we wrote out what we wanted our lives to look like. We included goals that we wanted to accomplish and things that we wanted to do. That just gave me so much higher standards for the goals that I wanted to achieve. I feel like I might be called to Africa now. I might help with the HIV/AIDS epidemic over there when I graduate. I may deliver babies in the African bush. They may have HIV. I may be their only hope at survival. These are the kinds of things I could see myself doing now, and it is all thanks to health promotion.

I think realism is a beautiful thing. Yes, I am a realist. I may talk about saving the world, and I may talk about doing great things with my life, but I know there is only so much I can do. I know that promoting health is such a big job, and I am such a small person. What impact would I have on the world anyway? I’ve never accomplished more than writing a 12-page paper and running a 10K, and these weren’t even large feats. What if I wanted to cure the HIV/AIDS epidemic? What if I wanted to stop poverty in its tracks and have every child in India become well nourished? Could I accomplish this? Rather, could I do it on my own? No, I couldn’t. My philosophy of life, and of health, and of the world is so big. I have such big plans. But I know that I couldn’t accomplish any of it without the one who has accomplished it all already: Jesus. He conquered the grave for me. I think I can conquer this global health epidemic for Him, one small step at a time. I hope this philosophy paper hasn’t offended anyone too much. It was merely my thoughts and my beliefs placed onto the front and back of one sheet of paper. They are merely words. Now, let me get out there and make them reality.

Forever His,

Rachel

I don't want no scrub.

I think it is safe to say that the majority of us have been graced with this wonderful TLC song at LEAST once or twice in our lifetime. "I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me. Hangin out the passenger side of his best friend's ride. Trying to holler at me...." Yes. Beautiful isn't it? Well, let me just tell you....

As one of my best friends once put it, "I don't want no scrub."

And no, she wasn't talking about one of those guys on the hit tv show "Scrubs".

Although, that would be pretty sweet.

And sitcomy.

But she was actually referring to a young man.

A fine young man.

Who may not be ready to be in a relationship.

OK.

Let's be real here.

Who IS not ready to be in a relationship.

Sucks. Right?

I mean, you like a guy. But you KNOW they are not ready for a relationship.

AT ALL.

And NO, I am not referring to myself here at said moment in said time.

BUT, I am referring to myself in the general sense that....

"I don't want no freakin scrub."

I want a man who is passionate about following the Lord.

Who knows what his goals are in life and trusts that the Lord is the only one who can help him fulfill them.

Who respects himself enough to respect someone else.

Who loves the Lord, and loves himself enough to love someone else.

And who doesn't. play. the. freakin. game.

GAME PLAYERS ALWAYS LOSE.

That's all you need to know.

ESPECIALLY if you are a guy reading this.

You will play the game.

It will appear as if you are winning.

So you will continue to play.

And you will eventually lose.

Sucks. Right?

So just don't play the game.

Don't do it.

Please.

Because I don't want no scrub.

There are so many guy and girl scrubs in college.

I may or may not be one of them.

And I trust that the Lord knows when I will graduate from scrub school into

mature kid school.

Because that would be great.

But until that time,

I will play the waiting game.

No.

It is not the same as "The Game".

Which is infamous for it's continuous ability to make. you. lose.

But I'm talking about the game where

I thought guys were too immature in middle school so......I will wait.

I thought guys were too immature in high school so.......I will wait.

I may or may not think guys are still too immature in college so I may or may not wait....... (Forever!?!?)

These are the facts.

Except,

the common denominator every time is ME.

So maybe, I'M the scrub on this one.

Maybe I'M not ready to date, and the Lord knows this.

Oh how He knows me better than I know myself.

So until I, or the person meant for me, is ready.....

I don't want no scrub.

A scrub is a guy who can't get no love from me.

Forever His (because I'm not going to be a scrub's),

Rachel

I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP.

Yes. I said it. As I listen to the sound of the apartment above me flirting with death (because what else do you call underage kids who get wasted every night and use the F word every other word and pick fights and call names and don't give a BEEP?), I can only think that this phrase, that "I'm a non-conformist and I don't give a BEEP" is the only way to describe my life right now.

The first thing that comes to my mind is relationships.

Dating.

Marriage.

Personality similarities.

Personality differences.

And I can only wonder.....

what if I was different.

What if I was a little less funny sometimes and I little more serious.

What if I was actually the perfect Christian instead of a struggling one.

What if I actually knew the right thing to say every time instead of fumbling over my words.

What if I CONFORMED to a certain stereotypical "perfect. Christian. girl."

Then would I be good enough?

SCREW the stereotype.

And SCREW conforming.

Because I won't!

I hate it that people think that Christians don't conform.

BECAUSE. WE. DO.

We freaking conform every. single. day.

We don't necessarily conform to the world.

We decide that we'd rather "die to ourselves", "pick up our crosses", and "follow Him".

But DO. WE. REALLY.

MY guess, is that we actually just CONFORM to Christianity.

To the religion.

To the practices.

To the stereotype.

YES. There is REAL. TRUE. heart change when we become made new in Christ.

But our sinful ways tell us that now. We. Must. Conform.

Why can't we just BE?

Be the way that God has made us?

We are perfect because of Him.

Not because of our religion.

Not because of our practices.

Not because of the stereotype.

But because He died for us.

We are IMPERFECT because of our sin.

Because of our shortcomings.

Because of our nature.

Because of the fall.

But we don't have to conform to pretend that we're perfect.

Because we're not.

And I won't pretend like I am anymore.

I hate it that I feel like I have to for someone to love me.

I hate that the Christian culture tells us that if we do all of these certain wonderful Christian things that we will find the perfect Christian mate and have the perfect Christian happily ever after ending.

Sorry to break it to you.

But in the words of the oh so wise Miley Cyrus......

nobody's perfect.

So I'm going to stop pretending that I am.

And secondly,

WHY do we as Christians INSIST in buying into this PROSPERITY gospel.

That we can do it bigger.

and better.

and BIGGER.

and BETTER.

Didn't Christ tell us to drop EVERYTHING and follow Him?

So wouldn't you say we are actually preaching and living out the exact Opposite of what Christ taught?

That we can both have it all and be a Christian.

Isn't that like an oxymoron or something?

Either Christ had it wrong and we have it right.

Or Christ had it right and we are just screwing the F up with our life.

Seriously.

I'm sorry if this offends someone but it just makes me so stinkin mad.

We AS THE CHURCH need to get it together.

We need to do a TAD less judging and a TAD more loving.

A TAD less getting and a TAD more giving.

A TAD LESS CONFORMING AND A TAD MORE BECOMING. LIKE. CHRIST.

I don't know about you.

But my name's Rachel,

and I'm a non-conformist.

Oh.

And I don't give a BEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Forever His,

Rachel

the POWER of prayer.

I have always underestimated the power of prayer. Partly, because I have felt let down numerous times by God in my life. Partly, because I misunderstood the importance of prayer. And partly, because I thought to be a good Calvinist meant I just left everything in the hands of God; prayer said, no prayer said = no change in outcome. No harm no foul, right??

False.

False.

False.

False.

LIESSSSS.

Oh how DECEIVED I have been.

No wonder my prayer life has suffered so much over the years.

I didn't see the IMPORTANCE to it!

This revelation that could have come only from God and not of myself

happened, SURPRISINGLY, at my home church this morning.

I say surprisingly because I haven't heard an amazing sermon there in a while.

Partly, because I'm only there once every two months or so.

But still,

sorry Mom and Dad.

I left feeling convicted.

And honestly, CHANGED.

That this belief system that I'd been holding on so tightly too,

That my prayers really don't matter,

That "what I have to say God already knows so what's the point" mentality,

These things were liessss.

This is what prayer is....

Prayer is three things:

1. Builds relationship with God.

2. Begets peace.

3. Brings results.

THIS is what I have been missing out on.

THIS is why I get anxious so quickly and am having a hard time trusting.

And although I knew somewhat of the first two points,

the third is what I was reallyyyy struggling with.

Do my prayers bring results?

REALLY???

mmm hmmm.

I'm not so sure.

But they DO.

Yes, it is true that God knows all things and there is NOTHING that will change His eternal plan.

But it's ALSO true that prayer brings results.

So how do the two coincide?

It is exactly because of this particular reason...

If God was good enough and sovereign enough and all-knowing enough to already know the outcome of a situation,

don't you think that He is all-of-those-things enough to know that you will PRAY as well?

It is called SECONDARY CIRCUMSTANCES (I think....).

That God may have one thing that He could definitely do (such as allow your friend to die from cancer) but He knew before time that you would pray that this other certain thing would happen (such as praying that your friend lives) happen, so therefore, He already KNEW that He was going to let your friend live, but it was the prayer that helped bring about the result.

Ahhhh.

God is so good.

I will end telling you this story our pastor told us today....

George Whitefield and John Wesley were speaking at a conference one weekend. They ended up staying at the same hotel together that night, and even shared a room. They both were getting ready for bed. John Wesley, believing in the utmost sovereignty of God, got ready for bed and then, began to pray. He thanked God for the destinies of the people that were at the conference and prayed that God would continue to be sovereign and for His will to be done, and then got in bed. John Wesley, believing in the importance of human participation in God's plan, and also in the importance of prayer, saw that George had prayed such a short prayer and said, "Oh George, is this where your Calvinism has brought you to?" And then, proceeded to get down on his knees and begin praying. In the middle of the night Whitefield woke up to find Wesley, still on his knees next to the bed......asleep. He then proceeded to say, "Oh John, is this where your Arminianism has brought you to?"

This moral of this story is not to bring favor to one view of prayer or the other,

it is simply this....

That prayer is important.

Whether you "let your words be few" before God, or come before God with "prayer and supplication, making ALL your requests known to God",

prayer. is. important.

.........And my world has been rocked.

Forever His,

Rachel

Speak to me, in the light of the dawn, mercy comes with the morning.

Oh the desires of a sinful nature. The cravings of an unrighteous flesh. The thoughts of a tainted mind. Isn't that what the American work ethic tells us? Do it bigger. Do it better. Push harder. Be the BEST.

Why do I find myself acting like a dog?

Wanting to return to its vomit.

Wanting to dwell on what has been expelled.

Forgiven.

Forgotten.

Oh. But I have not forgotten.

I have not forgotten those feelings of immediate gratification.

The joy through the pain.

The victories through the struggles.

Isn't that what life is about?

Just get by?

Live with a goal in mind.

Set your eye on the prize.

Win, win, win.......

no. matter. what.

But as one such C.S. Lewis said...

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,

I can only conclude that I was not made for here."

These cravings are too strong.

These desires are too great.

NOTHING in this world can satisfy.

Maybe for a time.

And believe me, I loved that time.

Feeling fulfilled in a worldy sense.

Feeling good enough.

Having "purpose".

But this desire is so much greater.

This want and need is so much stronger.

And so, I can only conclude......

I was not made for here.

Forever His,

Rachel

Go Make Fishers of Men. But Don't Forget to Fish Yourself. You Might Starve....

It's that time again. When I should be doing homework, but alas, I can not for the LIFE of me find an ounce of motivation to concentrate, even though it is of the utmost importance. So I figured I would do a little something else productive. Like, blog.

I haven't really thought about what I was going to blog about up until this very second. In fact, this very word. BUT, never fear. I think I can squeeze a little bit of intellectual juice out of this already exhausted brain.

I have found myself guilty. AGAIN.

But of something a little different this time....

I have been a Christian since I can remember.

Have learned all the Bible stories.

Heard the same messages over and over.

Read the same verses time and time again.

And I just thought,

"Hey. I've done enough Jesus-learning these last 19 years for me to be able to take a break for a little bit. Plus, I've already heard it all anyway. So what else IS there for me to learn?"

So I've been focusing on evangelism.

Preaching the gospel to others.

Loving on others.

Pouring out my heart, soul, and TIME to others.

So what is left for me to give to God?

Where is that time that I so desperately need with Him?

I'm out there making fishers of men, but what if I forget to fish myself?

I'M GOING TO FRICKIN STARVE!

You know?

Like, I feel as if a lot of Christians just see the Bible, the WORD OF GOD, as a gateway to strengthening their new faith. Understand Christianity and such. But after a certain time, they stop focusing so much on the Bible and instead, turn to "playing it out" in their everyday lives.

WHICH IS GREAT.

But where is the fuel for that fire?

Where is the bread for that hunger?

How can you pour out when you yourself are sucked dry?

And God had to bring me to my knees YET AGAIN.

(He has a dirty rotten way of doin that! :)

And had to show me my fault.

Show me my motives.

Show me my heart.

And no one ever wants to see their own filthy heart.

Anyways.

Just stop trying so hard.

GET in the Word.

TALK to your Daddy.

THEN, go make some new brothers and sisters.

Change my life so I can change others.

Forever His,

Rachel

If you're an atheist, stop using this book to prove your point. It's only hurting you hun.

Ecclesiastes.

The book I am referring to is Ecclesiastes.

And once again, my thoughts and my convictions have brought me to this book.....

For those of you who don't know,

Ecclesiastes is a book about the meaning of life.

Written by a cynical teacher.

Told from a negative perspective.

This book discusses how meaningless life is.

Literally.

The word meaningless is used 37 times throughout the whole (relatively small) book.

That is a stinkin lot of meaninglessness.

Sheesh.

And the reason I bring up this book today,

is once again,

I wrestled today with the reason of why I am EVEN HERE.

Just having the mindset that I had when I was depressed.

Remembering the feelings I had about my life.

The feelings I had towards myself.

The feelings I had about my purpose.

And they all equaled zero.

Every time I tried to think of a reason to live.

To continue on.

I couldn't think of one.

You live your life.

Make decisions.

Form an identity.

Become whoever you want to be.

Accomplish whatever you want to accomplish.

But all for WHAT?

Would it even make a difference if you were gone?

There are others who can do your job.

Others who have the same personality traits.

Others who will accomplish what you would have and more.

So why are you needed?

There. is. no. reason. for. you. to. be. here.

NONE.

So why am I?

What is my frickin purpose?

WHO am I apart from personality?

WHAT am I apart from flesh and bones?

I am NOTHING.....

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

NOTHING.

without Jesus.

He IS the only purpose I am here.

He IS the only reason for living.

He IS my identity.

I am no longer just a shell of a man (or woman I guess in my case. ha).

But I am the fullness of joy.

The beauty of grace.

And the strength of salvation.

I am not here for me.

Because "me" is so meaningless.

"Me" is so boring.

"Me" is empty and unfulfilled.

So I will no longer live my meaningless life.

But I will live His meaningFULL one.

Forever His,

Rachel

Excuse me while I'm self-righteous.....

I think the title pretty much explains itself.

I HATE self-righteous people.

Correction: I hate the self-righteousness, not the people.

But still.

I hate it.

But what I think I hate more is the fact that I can see the self-righteousness in them because I am CONSUMED with it.

For four years I struggled with the same thing.

I am not good enough.

I am not pretty enough.

I am going to fix this.

Let me go throw up a hot dog.

Ok.

I know that's pretty bold.

But it's the truth.

That Rachel is gone now.

Completely gone.

Healed.

New.

Thank you Jesus.

BUT.

I was used to that struggle for so long, that now that it's gone, I feel like I am a good person.

You know?

Like sometimes I look at myself and I'm like

"Damn girl. Other than the fact you just said a bad word in your head and now you've posted it on your blog, you are a pretty good person.

Go to church.

Go to Wesley.

Keep up with your grades.

Exercise and eat right.

Are nice to others.

Love Jesus.

Yup. You've got it all.

Just keep it up.

It's all smooth sailin from here."

WHAT THE WHAT is that?

No.

Not ok.

No.

NOT OK.

I was actually walking to class today and thinkin of how much I've got it together and how I can't find anything wrong with myself right now.

And then I proceeded to tell myself...

"You are big fat liar. Continuously deceiving yourself and being deceived. I AM A DECEIVER.

Thinking that I've got it all together. Geez. I might as well be Oprah now and give away like 5 whales. 'You get a whale. You get a whale. You get a whale. Every. body. gets. humpbacked whales!!!' (Yes. I just quoted Dane Cook.) But I was honestly ashamed of myself. Talk about a self-righteous bitch who tutors kids after school because she thinks the kid should be honored to have her as a tutor for even just a little while. If I keep having this Oprah mentality, that could be ME!"

Ugh.

I was just so frickin disgusted with myself.

YES. 

I know that I am a bad person.

YES.

I know I need Jesus.

But when you get to a point in your life when you're like "Dang, I'm really not that bad.",

YOU, sir, are self-righteous.

Selfy self, selfishly selful, self-righteous.

Go feed the poor or something.

Seriously.

Gosh.

I need Jesus.

BAD.

I need 'im BAD.

Save me. I'm lost. Keep me from bein confused. Show me what I'm lookin for.

(I don't even know what song that is or who sings it, but it's catchy. AND it's relevant. 

So DEAL.)

Forever His,

Rachel

Friends, Grace, Healing, I Do's, and Jesus.

It has been a longgg year, but the end is finally near. Finals are a plenty, and stress levels are high, but I will persevere through. And this year I do not feel a sense of impending doom (praise Jesus!), but rather, feel a sense of anxiety, as I am leaving my home in Athens to travel to Texas for the entire. summer.

Please bear with me through this post as it is random, at times, sappy, and definitely scatter-brained, but definitely thoughtful and always, original Jesus-filled ranting.

God has been so good to me this last year.

There is so much to look back and be thankful for, but also,

so much to look forward to and have faith in.

Friends.

God has blessed me with some of the most amazing friends that I could have ever imagined this past year. 

I have met more people this year that have the JOY of Jesus than I have ever met before in my entire life.

And God has given me such opportunity to invest my time in other's lives like I never have been able to before.

Praise Jesus for community! 

I don't mean to be cliche but

God is so stinkin good.

And He continues to be.

Quick shout out to my roomsss, future roomssss, New York peeps, Well peepss, Wesley friendss, and finally, family.

There are so many more that I can not even begin to thank for their love.

You all have taught me what it is to love your neighbor as yourself.

This is something one cannot merely learn how to do.

It only comes from an overflow of the love of Jesus, and THAT my friends,

you. all. have.

So do not EVER doubt yourselves like I have.

Do not doubt your ability to changes others lives or your ability to reflect the love of Jesus.

You are already doing it.

Grace.

I have realized something very important about this topic this year.

And it's this.

I can not do ANYTHING to earn grace.

And yet I try. and try. and try. and tryyyyyy to be good enough.

Tryyyyy to earn His love.

And I can't.

His grace is free.

Conditional.

But free.

And those conditions of grace (aka forgiveness, living a life of holiness),

are grace anyways.

So really, grace begets grace which begets another grace which finally begets my ability to breathe one. more. breath.

To live one. more. second.

Because without that grace, I am toast.

Buttered.

Jammed.

Peanut-buttered.

I am fried crispy.

But God's grace really is enough.

So live in faith, not gratitude.

Look to the future, not the past.

God will continue to provide.

Just you wait and see.

Healing.

There are things in my life that I was ashamed about.

Felt guilty about.

Scars that hurt when you touched them.

Sometimes, they still do.

But there is something that you have to realize before I finish the rest of this story.

I don't owe God anything.

Sure, He gave His one and only son for me.

Sure, He gives me grace continuously, daily.

Sure, He made me and takes care of me.

But all of these things are gifts.

Do you honestly think I could earn even one of them?

And since they are gifts, that demolishes, relinquishes, EXTERMINATES the debtor's ethic:

that is you do something nice for me, I'll do something nice for you.

Sorry. 

But when you give someone a gift,

you are saying "Here you go. This is free. You don't need to do anything to have it."

And we can't do anything anyways!

Praise Jesus that we don't owe God anything, because His one gift to us, salvation,

defeats any debt that we would ever have to pay.

Because He knew we would never be able to pay it anyways!

So. 

Now that we have that established.

Back to Healing.

I had scars. Shame that I carried around in a napsack. Pain that lingered every day.

And this year, I FINALLY threw that napsack away.

Chucked it to the ground.

Gave everything I had left to Jesus.

And let me tell you,

that kind of healing is the best kind.

When you know you've been healed and you have no idea why you've been carrying around that mess of extra baggage, 

so you chuck it out the window like your life depends on it.

It probably does.

Temptation still comes.

Ohhhh Satan is a sly one, I will tell you that.

But the victory is already won.

And the sweetness of that defeats any temporary sting.

I Do's.

It has come to my attention of late that there are a lot of people getting married.

I just went to a wedding this weekend.

But I have also come to this conclusion.

Although it will be quite sweet to one day stand at the altar before God and men and say "I Do",

for now,

I think I will say "I Don't".

Because I'm still letting God work out the chinks in my own chain.

I don't need it getting tangled in somebody else's just yet!

Jesus.

There is no good in me.

I was born a sinner.

I will die a sinner.

But there is one thing for sure.

Somewhere in the midst of all that sin, I hope to do some good.

But the funny thing is,

The little good that I manage to do in my lifetime isn't even mine to do anyways.

It doesn't even belong to me. 

I am not the owner of that good.

So why do I worry so about doing it?

Why do I feel like I have something to prove?

I am a sinner.

Always have been.

Always will be.

The only good I have in me I do not owe to myself.

I owe it to Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

Thank You for holding my heart.

Thank You for holding my heart in Your hands.

Saving me from heartbreak, with Your better plans.

Thank You for knowing me better than I ever could.

You give me more grace, than You really ever should.

Thank You for sparing me all of the tears.

I've taken this for granted, all of these years.

Thank You for putting up with my whining and complaining.

When I'm crying so hard that it looks like it's raining.

Thank You for being the greatest lover of my heart.

No one else could ever out play You for this part.

Thank You for listening to my silly boy prayers.

Although they aren't much, I know you still care.

Thank You for knowing who I am and who I'll be.

Someday, I hope, You will provide someone for me.

Thank You for being the One who provides.

I will worry not because You've made us all brides.

Thank You for knowing my life from the start.

One day I hope You will be able to share my heart.

Until then.

I will wait.

Patiently.

Unafraid.

Knowing.

You will break off.

A piece of my heart.

And give it to the man.

With whom you will now share my heart.

For now,

My heart is whole.

And it's wholly Yours.

Forever His,

Rachel

Modest is Hottest.

I don't really know what brought about the inspiration for this post. It could have been the random thoughts that go through my head at the grocery store, the never ending bamboozlement we get of half naked people on billboards and in magazines, or the fact that we stole Dana's towel tonight. I'm not really sure...

But for the sake of time and brain energy, 

we will just say it was all three.

I was inspired.

I was curious.

And so here I am.

Contemplating why our world has become so immodest. 

I literally would have been burned at the stake back in the 1800s if they had seen the nike shorts that I was wearing today.

I don't really think they are that short.

But there was a time when I would have been called a whore, or possibly even a witch,

(i used my black magic to invent the tank top. ahhh)

because of it.

So, the question is,

why HAS our world turned half-naked into beautiful?

When did it become ok to DAILY look like the version of Britney Spears on stage at Phillip's during her 2000 world tour where she is wearing a loincloth, and maybe some socks?, with a boa constrictor as her accessory.

WHEN?!?!

And it is getting worse and worse every generation.

Back in my day, 8th grade was the year when you started wearing miniskirts, makeup, and major attitude (all of which i really regret. raccoon makeup was so not in.)

And now its like 4th grade.

4th grade?!

I don't even know anymore.

How corrupt is our world.

So desperate.

So hurting.

And just think of how this is affecting relationships, teen pregnancies, guys!

Especially Christian guys.

If there are any of you out there that happen to stumble across this post,

know this,

I am truly sorry for the way that some girls dress.

TRULY sorry.

I know it is extra hard for you all when we wear the really short skirts, or really low shirts, or really small bikinis.

(who am I kidding, any bikini at all!)

And I honestly think that we (all us Christian girls) could be trying harder.

For serious.

But this culture has turned sexuality into something that is just becoming more and more accepted.

So what if I wear this shirt wear my boobs are falling out.

It's "just sexy".

Since when did being half-naked ever become a good thing?

There is a reason that Adam and Eve felt shame in the Garden of Eden when they realized they were naked.

So why are we moving backwards?

I just have one last thing to say....

To all you guys:

guard your eyes, guard your hearts.

To all you girls:

guard the girls, guard your dignity.

Forever His,

Rachel

Death at a Funeral

I thought about the unthinkable today. I have done this many times in the past few years, especially these last two. I was just driving back to Athens. Minding my own business. Wondering what it would be like if I died. Yes. Morbid. I know. But there comes a time for everything. Look it up. It's in the Bible. Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3 if you cared. (I hope someone just got that reference...)

I don't wish I was dead.

On the contrary.

I am quite thankful to be alive.

But what if I did die.

What if I left this earth without so much as a goodbye.

I mean just think of how Enoch and Elijah felt.

They were just swept up to Heaven.

They didn't even have to die.

They were just gone.

And then I began to think.....

Of all the 19 years I have lived, I have come in contact with many, many people.

Had I touched these people in some way?

Would they remember me?

Would they be able to put the name with the face?

What about my closer family and friends?

How would they feel?

How long would they mourn?

Would there be a lot of people at my funeral?

AHHhhhhhh.

Thoughts just began to bombard my brain as I drew up a long and elaborate web of my life.

It included many of the close friends I have had over the years and my family,

but what about all those "other" people.

The people I said "hello" to at the grocery store.

The acquaintances I had in high school.

The boy I had a crush on in 8th grade.

Would any of them even remember me?

Granted, none of them will probably attend my funeral.

Niche.

Especially not the boy I had a crush on in 8th grade.

No one knew of our secret love except me.

And I will gladly take this secret to the grave.

But despite that fact,

would they have remembered me as a joyful person?

Would they have remembered me as a quite person?

A mean person?

A nerdy person?

A loud person?

A funny person?

A LOVING person?

How will I be remembered?

Who. have. I. touched?

Is it just those who know me well-enough to know the deeper part of me?

Have I touched only them?

Or have I touched that little boy who is crying.

(That sounded really dirty but I didn't mean it to be. Ok back to being serious...)

Have I touched the man on the side of the road who can't find the bus stop.

Have I touched the girl who sits alone in my religion class.

Have I touched the jock who appears to have it all together but really has too many insecurities.

Have I touched the wise kid who thinks he will never know enough.

Have I touched the old lady who can't find her way back to her car.

Have I touched the bagger at the grocery store.

Have I touched the girl sitting next to me on the bus or the boy waiting in line at the Subway.

Have I touched the hands and feet of Jesus and had enough faith to touch others with His love?

Don't be dead at your funeral.

"Let your light shine so that others may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."

Let your light shine and you will not be dead at your funeral.

You couldn't possibly be.

Because it was never your light shining anyways.

It was Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

IGNOre me will i RANT.

I am taking a break from studying (ok so maybe I haven't really started and it's 12:30, whoops!) to inform you of the following, via a mediocrely zealous rant.....The dictionary defines ignorance as: "lacking in knowledge, or uninformed". The urban dictionary defines it as something else, but for the sake of decency we will just leave it at that...

I am all about knowledge.

I HATE ignorance.

Absolutely hate it.

But it's not the lack of knowledge that is so unsettling, 

No.

But rather the complacency that comes with this lack of knowledge.

Or the belief that you DO, in fact, know it all, and thus, don't need to learn anything else.

THIS, my friends, is what bothers me so.

What erks and vexes me to no end.

It's the idea that someone has no desire to gain more knowledge.

And would rather speak as if they know it all, instead of owning up to their scarcity of knowledge.

Ok.

So now that we have got that down.

And you all know that I don't like ignorance,

We will move on.....

It occurred to me the other day that you don't just have to speak with ignorance to be ignorant.

Let me repeat that.

Just because you don't speak ignorantly doesn't mean you are not still ignorant.

I thought about this.

And thought about it.

And thought about it some more.

And I came to the consensus that 

although I may not speak with ignorance,

I. may. live. with. it.

WHAT.

I LIVE ignorantly.

Just because I don't speak with a lack of knowledge.

Doesn't mean I don't live with it.

Ok.

So I know some of you are probably pretty confused right about now.

Let 

me 

break

it 

down.............

I seek after knowledge.

This means that I am looking for knowledge, and although, do not know it all, am trying to become more informed.

And when I speak, I either speak with the wisdom of this knowledge that I DO know, or do not speak at all if it is something pertaining to those things I do NOT yet know.

Therefore, I do not speak with ignorance.

I do not speak as one uninformed.

But I DO live this way.

And although it vexes me to no end to say this,

But although I do not speak with ignorance,

I live ignorance.

Every. single. day.

I know the facts.

I know the truths.

But that doesn't mean I always live by them.

I may speak with knowledge.

But that doesn't mean I always live by this knowledge.

Many times we KNOW what's right and what's wrong.

But we find ourselves LIVING contradictory to the exact truths that we SPEAK.

Whyyyyyyy.

You can only imagine how much of a grievance this was,

to find out that the exact thing that I hate,

irrevocably and uncontrollably hate,

was the exact way I. was. living.

Ughhh.

Such disgust.

And disappointment.

I don't have to speak ignorantly to be ignorant.

The ignorance that I live daily is more than enough to do just that.

So ignorance.

IGNORing (the truths) while RANTing.

Yes, 

but more so,

IGNORing (the truths) while LIVING.

Forever His,

Rachel

What Makes ME Worthy?

I live in sin DAILY. And most times it is out of choice. I have the CHOICE to resist temptation. I have the CHOICE to say no to sin. But do I ever? Do I ever say no? Honestly, I can't. I can never say no to sin. Because I am a child of wrath. I was born of sin. So what. makes. me. worthy?

We hear it all the time.

"I can't believe I did that."

"I made a big mistake."

"Oops I did it again."

Ok. Maybe the last one was just Britney Spears.

But we find ourselves regretting things we do all. of. the. time.

And sometimes, we know we have done something wrong.

And we 

just

don't 

care.

Right?

Am I the ONLY one who honestly sometimes KNOWS I have sinned.

KNOWS I've done wrong.

KNOWS I've taken glory away from God.

KNOWS I have no right to do that.

And honestly, doesn't care?

Shakes it off like it's no big thing.

I've done it a million times already anyways right?

So God won't mind forgiving me once more.

Heck, I'm sure He already has.

So I won't worry about it.

And move on.

Ok.

Something is horribly wrong with that scenario.

Since when did it EVER become ok for me to sin?

When did it EVER become "no big deal" that I SINNED AGAINST GOD?

Ok.

Correction:

NOT Ok.

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

to the infinity, triple stamp, no erasies, touch blue makes it true Unworthy.

(that little piece of heaven is from Dumb and Dumber in case you are a hermit)

And I can't. stop. sinning.

WHYYYYYYYY?!?!

Oh, how I hate that we have sinful natures.

I hate that I can't MAKE myself stop sinning.

I can't do anything.

That is where Jesus comes in.

He is the ONLY one that can help me stop sinning.

He is the ONLY one that makes me worthy enough to be forgiven by God time and time again.

And I hurt HIM every single time I sin.

HE makes me worthy.

The nails in His hands are proof that I have worth.

That I am righteous and blameless in God's eyes.

Do you know what the definition of blameless is?

It means "guiltless; without blemish".

I am so perfect in God's eyes.

Regardless of the fact that I sin daily.

I am still surrounded by the filth of my sin.

I can feel it on me.

Lingering at times, because I am too ashamed to ask Jesus to take it away.

But He does anyway.

Time and time again.

And although I sin daily.

God only sees one thing when He looks at me.

And HALLELUJAH, 

that's Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

What a Girl Wants.

Despite the fact that this is a very cheesy Christina Aguilera song. And despite the fact that I have been on a very "deep and thoughtful" streak for the past week on this blog. I figured it was time to explore, what some may classify as, a lighter topic. So this is the question I am posing today. What exactly DOES a girl want?

Let me start off by saying that this post is in no way a punch to the gonads of the female population.

I myself, being of the female species, am simply stating some of the truths of life.

So here we go....

We know it all.

Correction:

We THINK we know it all.

And therefore, we don't know it all.

We know what we want.

Correction:

We THINK we know what we want.

And therefore, we don't know what we want.

It's just logic. Plain and simple.

It's not quantum physics.

It's not molecular engineering.

It's just reason and deduction.

Although this question is something that I have come across quite frequently in my lifetime,

constantly asking myself,

"Rachel, what the barack DO you really want?"

(And yes. That just happened.),

this question is very mysterious and actually quite frightening to the male population.

If you are a male reading this, 

please don't assume that I am calling you out.

(Actually assume away. I'm pretty sure that's the whole point.)

But I know that you don't always understand women.

That's ok.

Sometimes, WE don't even understand women.

Why DO we do the things that we do?

I'm pretty sure it all comes down to one teensy tiny little thing:

We. are. crazy.

No.

I was totally kidding.

But seriously, 

we are just a lot more emotional.

And are a lot more moody than most guys.

I hate saying that, but we are.

We go through cycles every month (partly due to hormones...yes. those wonderful things)

and this just causes the best of us to be a nice version of Jessica Alba one day 

and the next we are the absolute meanest version of Hillary. 

(Clinton, in case you are a little slower)

Regardless,

we don't always know what we want.

I guess that's probably why I have found myself writing this post.

Because I wondered what exactly I do want, and that made me wonder if I even know what I want, and maybe if other girls feel this way and have no idea what they want, etc. etc. etc.

So there you have it.

My five minute rant about how I know that girls don't know what they want.

And now you know that I know that girls don't know what they want.

Thank goodness God already knows the desires of our hearts.

Because otherwise,

we'd all be screwed.

Forever His,

Rachel

The Things I Fear Most in the World.

There are many things that I fear in this world. And although we are called to only fear the Father, and Him alone, I am only human. And often times find myself fearing many things. These are the things that wrench my heart and cause me such uncertainty.

I fear....

disappointing God what the world thinks

         being in a relationship

not knowing who I am never being able to have children

losing my family

                          having someone really know me

that no one even cares       I am not beautiful enough

               stumbling so far i can't get up

revealing my heart fully

                                     making a fool of myself

                                                                          dying alone

never saying goodbye

                         believing all the lies  

turning my back on God

                                                      growing old and getting wrinkly

getting close to someone

                      the real evil in this world

being alone

    the fact that spiders have 8 legs          that i won't be liked

 

that i will never really be worthy

Why do I fear?

What does this world have to offer that it should be WORTHY of my fears?

God is Love.

There is no fear in love.

Therefore, why should I fear?

Give me one good reason.

Will I wake up tomorrow?

At 4:38 am, will I have breathed my last breath?

Did I tell my family I love them enough?

Will I die wearing a cute outfit?

(Maybe not the biggest fear on my list, but still....)

Probably one of my greater fears is letting someone really KNOW me.

Know my likes.

My dislikes.

My strengths.

My weaknesses.

Know my heart.

THAT really freaks me out.

Probably number one on my "Reasons I Do Not Need a Boyfriend" List.

And yes.

I. actually. wrote. a. list.

But still.

Sometimes it even freaks me out that God already knows my heart, knows me,

better than I know myself.

But I will push through.

God has given me strength.

I will not fear.

So goodbye fear of death.

Goodbye fear of unworthiness.

Goodbye fear of spiders, evil, intimacy.

There is only room for one thing in my heart.

And that space is no longer vacant.

Jesus resides there.

Forever His,

Rachel

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces new born infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet...

Yes. That is the title from Talladega Nights. And no, I am not Will Ferrell. Sorry. But it does relate to what was on my mind today. Does anyone ever wonder how Jesus was as a baby? I mean when do you think He was old enough to understand that He was God? Or did He know that He was God from the moment He was conceived? It's just flabbergasting.

Did He ever cry as a baby?

Did He ever get messy as a 2 year old?

Did He ever get zits as a teenager?

Did He ever question that He was God the way I question my purpose in this world???

I know He was fully human, 

but He was also fully God.

And God knows everything.

But was His human mind able to comprehend it all?

We weren't made to have the mind of God.

It says in the Bible that NO one will know the mind of God.

So did Jesus?

When did He come to realize that He was fully God and fully man?

We were all made for a purpose.

Every. single. one of us.

When did Jesus KNOW what His purpose was?

Did His PARENTS have to tell Him that He was the son of God?

I mean how do you tell your child,

"Hey Jesus. Daddy isn't really your father. You were immaculately conceived by the Holy Spirit."

Like did Jesus even know what "immaculately" meant when He was a child?

That's like one step up from telling your child that they are adopted.

Except your real Father is God.

I mean whose DNA did Jesus have?

What did His genetic makeup look like and did He have any of the physical traits of His parents?

These are the kind of questions that go through my head.

Like Jesus was ACTUALLY A PERSON.

Just like me and you.

And just as we will have bodies in heaven,

Jesus is sitting at the right hand of God right now,

and He STILL has those scars in His wrists.

Those holes from the nails.

You probably can see right through them.

Will we get to hug Jesus in heaven?

Will we be able to thank Him for His courage and His devotion, even to death on a cross?

I just can't wait!!!!

It's so exciting to think about.

I guess I can ask Jesus all of these questions when I get to heaven.

Maybe we can go get coffee at the Cafe de Angel or something.

I can meet His mom.

He can pull out the baby pictures.

I don't know.

But I can't wait to get to know Him better.

I have all eternity to do it.

Forever His,

Rachel

Monty Python anyone?

somedays i feel like monty python. now, i honestly have no idea who he is, what he does, or even if i spelled his name right. all i know is that in one of his movies he searches for the meaning of life. heck, i might even be wrong about that. but that's not the point.

the point is i too am searching.

seeking after knowledge.

looking for hidden treasure.

knocking so that the door may be opened for me.

this is all good and well. right?

but my question for you is

"how much searching is too much searching?"

"how far is too far?"

we are only meant to know so much right?

i mean, if we knew everything, we would be God. correct?

and im not sure if i've already established my feelings on this particular topic,

but i decided i never ever would want to be God.

Not that He isn't wonderful and amazing, my goodness, He created us!

but just thinking about how big He is and how much He holds together moment by moment,

it scares me.

ok. ya. sure. He's God.

but seriously.

think about it.

take a second.

you obviously have some extra time on your hands here or else you wouldn't be reading my blog.

busted.

but for real.

He holds the universe together.

and when i say universe, i don't just mean the universe.

He holds every single tiny part that makes up the universe together.

every single atom that makes up a molecule that makes up a cell that makes up tissues and fibers that make up objects that make up other parts that help to exchange gases with the air and the sea level always stays at the right level and the earth stays approximately x distance away from the sun so we don't burn to death but we also don't freeze to death and He knows when people will be born and will die and when rabbits need to be fed and storms need to happen to bring the rain to water the plants so that buffalos can drink and knows just how long winters need to be so as not to kill the forest animals and when certain stars in the universe will burn out and how much precipitation is in the air.

and did i mention He know how many hairs are on your head and how many grains of sand are on the sea shore?

and He still has time to watch over each. one. of us.

and have a personal relationship with me. and you. and your mom.

yup.

He is that big.

and that kind of responsibility that He has,

the weight of the universe,

it seems so big to me.

but it is such a small task for Him.

man.

now that we've established that.

back to monty python and the element of searching.

i LOVE theology.

i LOVE learning about God.

and i LOVE learning about different people's view points of God and on the scriptures.

but when does my search for the truth turn into a search to be right?

to know it all?

to know everything?

i often times asking myself if my searching is a sin.

do i have the right motives?

would God be pleased that i am learning more about Him?

or is He frustrated because i am doing it for the wrong reasons?

i guess what I'm trying to say is this.

do NOT be content.

do NOT be complacent.

at least when it comes to your faith and your knowledge of the scriptures.

test everything and get to know your Father.

He already knows everything about you.

just don't take it too far.

don't become obsessed with the truth.

there are some things we aren't meant to know.

God will reveal truth to us in HIS time. not ours.

just be patient.

and remember those famous encouraging words of Monty Python......

wait for it....

wait for it..............

nope.

i've got nothing.

Forever His,

Rachel

Obstacles at Their Finest....

Ok. So I am about to give a really cheesy analogy.....Let's just say you are walking to class. No big deal. Right? But as you are walking, intently focused on getting to your destination, a friendly little bumblebee pops into your path. What do you do? 

First, you probably stop right?

Then, you might do a little avoidance dance so as not to hit the bee.

Then, you might make a face or two in terror.

Finally get around it.

And continue on your way.

But in that moment,

When that bee pops into your path,

You forget about your destination.

All you can think about 

is 

the

bee.

I am now going to try to link this ferociously cheesy story to my life.

Particularly, Jesus and the ever elusive husband topic.

So.

You are just walking down the path of life.

Focusing on Jesus, or in the bee story, your final destination.

He is what we look to.

He is what we aim for.

But often times we find ourselves in situations where other things start to grab our attention.

They make us stop walking towards Jesus.

They make us do a little avoidance dance to maybe try to get away from the situation.

But we often times end up making different faces because we're afraid we can't get away.

But then we remember where we are going,

Suck it up,

And continue on our way.

I find this very similar to the topic of dating, relationships, marriage, etc.

We are focusing on Jesus. Right?

But then some guy comes into our life.

He's really awesome.

And all we can think about is "Well is he my future husband?"

After a while, we might try to avoid him altogether because we don't know what he is.

We might be frustrated because we don't know whether to stay or continue on our way.

Do we linger a little longer out of frustration and uncertainty or do we remember our final destination and continue walking towards Jesus?

Oftentimes, this "bee" also comes back.

It follows you.

You follow it.

Maybe a different bee comes along.

Whatever.

The point is.

We are going to encounter many bees in our life.

Should we let them stop us from walking towards Jesus?

Absolutely not.

Do we often let them do exactly that?

Absolutely.

WHY?

Because we are afraid what might happen if we walk right through them.

Will we be stung?

Will there be pain as a consequence of not sticking around and waiting?

How do we know who are future husband is going to be?

How do we know when too far is too far?

Or waiting this long is waiting too long and you will only be stung?

I just don't know!

It's so frustrating.

Please don't think that this rant is out of some internal frustration or personal anguish that I have experienced lately.

It absolutely isn't not.

I'm just saying that a lot of Christian girls are afraid of the bee.

Which bee will be THE bee?

You know?

Like how long do we have to wait?

Our final destination is SOOOOO WONDERFUL,

so WHY do we get so stinkin distracted from it all of the time.

THIS I shall never know.

Probably because we are all filthy and unworthy sinners.

Just sayin.

Forever His,

Rachel

Warning: Godly women protect your heart. There is a Godly man afoot.

ok seriously? i love my guy friends. they are awesome. they love Jesus. they are awesome. THEY LOVE JESUS. here is the problem: they are awesome AND they love Jesus. CONCLUSION: they are totally marriage material and we should date. wait, WHAT?????

this kind of train of thought is not uncommon for many Christian college aged girls nowadays. 

it has just become the norm.

meet some awesome Christian guys in college. 

if they are sweet, funny, and love Jesus=marriage material

if they are sweet, funny, love Jesus and are chivalrous in any way (aka open doors for you, walk you home....things gentlemen do)=not only are they marriage material but they love you too and want to have 3 babies and a house

ok.

no no no no no no no no NO!

it does not work that way at all.

but the thing that sucks is that many of us Christian girls want it to.

but its hard. because we can't just be friends with an awesome Christian guy unless we are totally prepared and guarding our hearts.

so easily do we fall under the spells of kindness and goodness and gentleness and faithfulness: traits that these godly men possess. you know why? because Jesus gave it to them. because they are fruits of the SPIRIT. not fruits of John, Jacob, or Jingleheimershmidt.

Fruits of the SPIRIT.

ERGO, we aren't falling prey to these men per say (although they may have rock hard bodies and need a bandaid because they are so cut), 

but in fact, we are falling in love with the Jesus in them.

the Jesus we know will never fail us no matter what.

so its so hard. 

it really is.

and if any guys ever read these silly blog posts of mine, then know this.

we love that you love Jesus.

and i know that you know that we love that you love Jesus.

just know that because you know that i know that you know that we love that you love Jesus,

doesn't mean it makes it any easier on either of us.

ok.

so maybe that was a little too confusing.

basically.

good job Christian guys, godly men of faith, perserverers in the Word, lights of the world.

keep doing what you do.

just know that we Christian girls KNOW that you all are more in touch with your feelings than other men other. 

we know that you know who you are in Christ and are confident in Him.

just know that we never want to push you away because of something you've done wrong.

it's probably because you are doing everything right.

and that's when it comes time that we must protect our hearts.

back away.

and leave it up to Jesus.

because the guards at the gate to my heart may be strong enough to withstand a Christian guy,

but they will never ever be strong enough to withstand the love of Jesus.

Forever His,

Rachel

Lazy Daisy.

Why is the human population getting lazier and lazier? We eat (overly), sleep (not enough), go to work (in some instances add -aholic), and....the end. Where is the much needed exercise? Where is the excitement in life? We get into a rut. An Easy. Breezy. But not quite Beautiful life.

So how do we get out of it?

How do we stop taking our lives for granted?

I woke up at 1:30 in the afternoon today after going to bed at 11 last night. 

Now let me tell you, it was much needed sleep for sure, getting only 3 hours the night before, 

but seriously? 1:30? I wasted the majority of my day away. 

A majority that I can never get back.

We forget to keep our lives in check.

How much we eat.

How much we exercise.

How much we sleep.

How much we allow ourselves to indulge in different things.

1 hour of video gaming time....ok.

5 hours of video gaming time....not so ok.

There is a fine balance in life.

A balance that most people think is very easy to maintain.

But this is not so true....

It is easy to walk the tight rope for the first few steps, sure,

but it's after you think you've got it down that you start to wobble,

and eventually, fall off.

For those taking the easy and wide road,

sure,

indulge in life all you want.

Don't strive after much.

Only work the minimum.

Put half of your heart into your family.

Take that extra three nights a week to go boozing.

Make that tall mocha a venti.

Don't worry about it,

because you've got plenty of lee-way to do whatever you want.

But for those taking the hard and narrow,

it's hard.

I'm not here to lie to you.

Striving means a lot of work to get there.

Working means putting your best foot forward every day.

Family means loving them unconditionally all the time, no matter what.

Those extra free nights a week mean more time with friends, more time with family, more time with GOD.

Food and Drink mean moderation. Plain and simple.

It's hard not to overindulge on the good things in life.

But God is so much better.

I hate wasting my life away with the little things.

I really do.

And I hate knowing that I do it.

We are called to be in a relationship with God.

To break the chains of the oppressed.

To set the captives free.

Have you set a captive free today?

Forever His,

Rachel

What Not to Wear. Ever.

Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. Taking over the world by storm; One fashion victim at a time. To bring justice to the nation and to make sure you aren't wearing white after labor day. They do it all, and at the end of the day, they know their fashion. So would they think I'm fashionable?

What defines "fashion" anyway?

Is it merely fads that we go through? 

Eras and decades that keep coming back?

Is it whether you wear flared jeans or acid wash or maybe you're more into the whole leggings as pants thing.

Whatever your fashion niche (or fashion evil), how do you know you're fashionable?

I've always wondered this.

Because to an emo person, I'm probably not fashionable.

They're more into that whole "everything-including-my-soul-is-black" thing.

And I don't really exemplify that.

To the more preppy folk, I may not be very fashionable either.

I can rock the frump look, if you know what I mean.

But I'm not quite eccentric or hippie either.

I'm just me.

So why do I still care so much?

Why is fashion so fun? 

(Or not fun if you can't find anything to wear because you feel like a hot mess).

Either way,

I just think it's so funny

how. much. time. people. put. into. material things.

Like there are so many worldly things that can be so fun!

And God made them that way.

But not to obsess about it, you know?

We naturally gravitate towards people we see as attractive or fashionable.

It is a form of expression and helps define your personality in a way.

Not always, and this might sound cheesy,

but often times you can tell a lot about a person by the way they present themselves to the world.

I guess that was kind of what God was talking about when He said to be in this world, but not of it.

BE fashionable. 

It's not a sin.

Just don't take it over board.

Don't obsess about that monthly sale at J-Crew 

Or the spring collection at H&M.

God provides all things.

Maybe I should ask for more fashion sense.

Ha.

Forever His,

Rachel

Awkwardness.

Do you ever feel like you are the most awkward person alive? Like everything you do is just super awkward? And that everyone else is just super smooth and they don't even have to try? This is the story of my life.

I grew up in a family that was pretty outspoken.

But I wasn't.

I was always a very shy child and didn't say much.

For those of you that don't know,

often times awkwardness accompanies shyness.

I have definitely changed since then, being a lot more outgoing and such.

But one thing has remained the same.

I am still super awkward.

You know that awkward situation when someone is talking but you are like really nervous about talking to them, so you often times cut them off accidentally?

It's not even like you're trying to rush the conversation (maybe you are) 

but you often times just find yourself cutting into their talking time.

That's awkward.

Or when you pass someone you know on the street and you look at them, but they don't see you, so you don't say hi and do like the whole look down thing and then they see you and you were like crap I didn't say hi first.

I don't even know.

Its just awkward.

Or when you mean to be funny when you say a remark, but then no one laughs and then you just feel terrible and then it just gets awkward talking to the person.

Or when you go up to a group of people, but don't really look at someone in the group because you like them and are afraid of making eye contact with them, and then they will suspect you like them or some crazy mess like that. So you don't really look at them, and make it more awkward.

That's just so awkward!

Or when you trip 

ALL. THE. TIME.

And sometimes spill your cereal milk all over the Milledge bus because you fall out of your seat on the turn, or tend to trip up the stairs and spill half your newly bought 4 dollar Dasani waterbottle all over the innocent girl in the 5th row of the movie theater.

That is just so stinkin awkward.

Oh Lord. Help me to stop being so awkward.

Sometimes I think it affects my social life.

No wait. That's all the time.

Forever His,

Rachel

Man Vs. Food. Chyeah.

I should be studying. But instead, I've decided to watch Man Vs. Food. Best. Show. Ever. But that's besides the point. I am so idle. I HATE IT. Life is just too short to sit around and watch Man Vs. Food at 1:50 in the morning. Do you not agree?

I also shouldn't be blogging.

But I'm doing that too.

I want to live by this principle:

"Life is too short to live the same day twice."

The truth to that statement is overwhelming.

We aren't promised tomorrow. So why would I want to live this day the way I spent my last one? I want to live with passion. And drive.

I want my life to go somewhere. To mean something.

Not to just consist of planning my week. Watching my calorie intake. Catching my favorite show every Tuesday. Running every other day. Making small talk with my neighbors. Going to bed at 11 every night. Sitting around doing nothing.

I want to BE someone. DO something.

Every. Day.

I never want to live this same day ever again.

I want to make the most of every day I've been given, within the limits of my budget, of course.

But I don't want to be complacent.

I will no longer settle for Man Vs. Food at 1:50 in the morning.

I will no longer put off this studying.

I will press on.

Because that is what will bring God the most glory.

There is something so selfish about my character and I LOATHE it.

It brings me so much anguish to think that although I often talk about living every day for Jesus, I rarely do it!

I know the spirit of the Lord lives in me, but how often do I actually walk in sync with His spirit?

How often do I let Him control my life?

Um. Hardly ever?

I want to wake up every morning with the joy of the redeemed.

But I always wake up only thinking about me!

What I will do with my day.

What will make ME happy that day.

I feel like I let my Heavenly Father down more often than not.

And it KILLS me.

That He would look on me still. 

Even after every thing I've done and continue to do.

I am so unworthy. 

But He makes me worthy.

Even if I do tend to watch Man Vs. Food at 1:50 in the morning.

Oh, excuse me.

2:03.

Forever His, 

Rachel